Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I was fixing the plumbing at my father-in-law's house. I told him to shut off the water and yell to me when he did. A few minutes later, I heard a yell and removed the pipe. I was met with a face full of water. Turns out he was just very excited when the Rangers beat the Mariners. FML

#21245661
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35275) - you deserved it (3244)

On 08/26/2014 at 7:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML

#21245034
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27286) - you deserved it (15211)

On 08/25/2014 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

#21244207
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39326) - you deserved it (5871)

On 08/24/2014 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44335) - you deserved it (16470)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31212) - you deserved it (13747)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

#21227114
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43379) - you deserved it (7035)

On 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by WickedRene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

#21222027
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37417) - you deserved it (2738)

On 07/27/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up from a horrible nightmare. What was it about? Me accidentally scratching a non-stick pan with my utility knife. FML

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

#21220355
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46584) - you deserved it (3670)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:16pm - misc - by notadoorman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

#21218479
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51860) - you deserved it (4346)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I visited my dad. He gave the, "You live under my roof, you follow my rules" lecture since I didn't do my "chores". I moved out 3 years ago. FML

#21216549
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39403) - you deserved it (3257)

On 07/21/2014 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went surfing, got a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket. FML

#21216262
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36907) - you deserved it (23137)

On 07/21/2014 at 1:14pm - misc - by surfer - United States (New York)

Today, I was stuck in heavy traffic. Bored, I looked to my left and noticed someone who seemed to be asleep at the wheel. After staring for a bit, wondering how people can be so negligent, I ended up hitting the car in front of me. FML



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: