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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I went swimming in a pond. I came out covered in leeches. Terrified, I screamed, flailed about and cried out for help until half a dozen people ran over. One of them was kind enough to point out that those leeches I was so afraid of were actually patches of mud. FML

#19223342
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7251) - you deserved it (26157)

On 03/05/2012 at 8:36pm - misc - by asdfBUTT (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

#19194281
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20615) - you deserved it (17946)

On 03/01/2012 at 6:35am - intimacy - by ShitFaced (man) - United States (New York)

Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML

#19182988
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8230) - you deserved it (28222)

On 02/28/2012 at 4:03pm - misc - by kal - United States (New York)

Today, I was washing dishes when I picked up a plate and saw a huge spider. Trying to be nice, I took the plate outside and tried to gently push the spider off. The wind blew it into my eye. FML

#19164002
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24760) - you deserved it (4637)

On 02/25/2012 at 10:13pm - misc - by baconandkittens (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was feeling frisky for the first time in months, so I started feeling up my husband. He kept insisting he had a headache and that he wasn't feeling it tonight. When I noticed his sarcasm, he said "Yeah, doesn't feel so great, does it?" and turned the TV volume up. FML

#19156948
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7516) - you deserved it (40066)

On 02/24/2012 at 10:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

#19152060
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19111) - you deserved it (6133)

On 02/24/2012 at 3:40am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I picked up a warm blanket that just came out of the dryer. Despite wearing pants, the static electricity from the blanket delivered a shock straight to my crotch. FML

#19146021
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19319) - you deserved it (3511)

On 02/23/2012 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I walked into the house only to be greeted by the strongest smell of dung. I asked my mom about it, and it turns out she's been airing these strange herbs throughout the house, most of which are in my bedroom. She won't let me open the window. FML

#19015871
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14328) - you deserved it (1164)

On 02/07/2012 at 1:38am - misc - by whyme (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while on the bus, I watched a homeless man pop a pimple on his arm and eat it. FML

#19006098
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23691) - you deserved it (2122)

On 02/05/2012 at 11:09pm - misc - by dadadoo - United States (New York)

Today, I got an early Valentine's day card. My boyfriend and I recently broke up, and my hopes shot up thinking it might be from him. It wasn't. It was from my parents. FML

#18993320
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18678) - you deserved it (3747)

On 02/04/2012 at 3:46pm - love - by Arp (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I read some funny scribblings on a wall in the bathroom stall. My first instinct was to "Like" it. FML

#18988711
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7435) - you deserved it (19577)

On 02/04/2012 at 12:07am - misc - by WayTooMuchFacebook (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML

#18972343
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15156) - you deserved it (6434)

On 02/01/2012 at 9:48pm - misc - by pmony - United States (New York)

Today, my sister set it so all the Yahoo articles I read are published on my Facebook wall. This would have been fine had I not decided to read, "Does the gynecologist care if you shave?" FML

#18957041
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21700) - you deserved it (4527)

On 01/30/2012 at 10:54pm - misc - by embarrassed - United States (New York)



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