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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

#20096195
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23614) - you deserved it (6280)

On 10/01/2012 at 12:23am - love - by SorryUncleTommy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML

#20095626
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31523) - you deserved it (5005)

On 09/30/2012 at 7:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, an incredibly rude woman came in for a hairdressing appointment. I had to put up with being yelled at and called a "clumsy bitch," a "pleb," and other insults for almost half an hour. When I finally managed to finish her hair, instead of tipping me, she spat at my feet and stormed out. FML

#20093857
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24713) - you deserved it (1941)

On 09/29/2012 at 4:34pm - misc - by scumdresser (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in to my apartment to see my husband sitting there with his toes painted pink. When I asked him why, he said, "I wanted to feel pretty." This is the man who is about to be the father of my child. FML

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

#20088535
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21428) - you deserved it (1483)

On 09/25/2012 at 7:20pm - misc - by PerpetuallyHappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML

#20075636
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7408) - you deserved it (40351)

On 09/17/2012 at 12:47am - misc - by GN (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend was showing me photos on his iPod when he came across a photo of a half-naked girl. He tried to play it off by quickly changing it, only to reveal even more half-naked girls. FML

#20065430
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25941) - you deserved it (2865)

On 09/09/2012 at 10:12pm - love - by hatemyluck (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

#20062588
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13361) - you deserved it (28812)

On 09/08/2012 at 12:03am - intimacy - by sasquatch (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, it was my first day back at school. My social anxiety is so bad that I couldn't even raise my hand to use the bathroom because I didn't want people to look at me. FML

#20057693
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20500) - you deserved it (4001)

On 09/04/2012 at 5:55pm - health - by freakingout (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML

#20057380
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27512) - you deserved it (1708)

On 09/04/2012 at 1:14pm - misc - by Becoming a commuter. (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML

#20055368
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27032) - you deserved it (5017)

On 09/03/2012 at 5:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML

#20049241
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32813) - you deserved it (1687)

On 08/30/2012 at 8:58am - misc - by Sarah - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that several thousand people in my state got tickets this month for driving and talking on the phone. My mom called to tell me this while I was driving. I'm now part of that statistic. Thanks, mom. FML

#20046150
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9356) - you deserved it (31832)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:04pm - misc - by ticketed - United States (New York)



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