FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I managed to infect a clean computer with a virus while looking up info on how to rid my other computer of the same virus. FML

by me / 12/14/2013 at 8:49pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2013 at 4:06pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my wife made a system where I earn gaming time by either giving her money or doing her favors. Now whenever I use my phone, she accuses me of "secretly playing Xbox games" and gets pissed at me. I'm 28 years old. FML

by Somerandomguy64 / 12/10/2013 at 1:04pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my elderly neighbor along with our community church's priest came to my house and demanded to "give them the girl". The girl is my 3-year-old daughter, who has natural born red irises and is photo-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML

by OakStake / 12/08/2013 at 5:07pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

by DocShadow / 12/03/2013 at 12:33pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend asked me to write him a poem, as I am an avid writer. Happily, I agreed. After hours of working, I proudly presented it to him. He read it, laughed, and said, "No babe, I meant a real poem." Maybe I should rethink my career choice. FML

by bad poet / 12/01/2013 at 8:57pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, while ice-skating with my girlfriend, I tried to do what they do in the movies and make her gently fall into my arms. Instead she slipped, fell, and hit her head on the ice. FML

by holy sleet / 11/29/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, with my name sounding vaguely like 'Turkey' and being in the phonebook for business purposes, people keep calling, offering to stuff me for Thanksgiving. FML

by NotTellingYouMyName / 11/28/2013 at 1:26am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

by sister sister / 11/25/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2013 at 12:06pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend announced to me he was sleeping with another girl via alphabet soup. FML

by fries / 11/24/2013 at 11:01am / United States (New York) / Love