FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my mom walked into my room to talk to me. I was surprised because we don't talk much. I was left with a smile on my face after she left, until I realized she'd stolen all the candy on my desk while I wasn't looking. FML

by love you too mommy / 01/27/2014 at 2:26pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 10:43am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that "old people are allowed to tell the truth". FML

by Pop / 01/14/2014 at 9:38pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

by -_-" / 01/11/2014 at 6:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

by wtf / 01/10/2014 at 11:47am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2014 at 12:38am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML

by bad luck skier / 12/30/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I received a pair of earrings, a necklace, and some rings as a Christmas gift from my grandma. This would have been nice if I weren't a guy. This is her way of mocking me for wearing what she calls "girl colors", such as white. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my dad's house for Christmas. Soon enough, my grandma had commented on how much weight I've gained, my aunt asked me why I'm still single, and my dad joined in by reminding me that I still haven't been accepted into college. Only three more days to go. FML

by holiday from hell / 12/24/2013 at 8:12pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend got us kicked out of the Apple store for getting into a heated argument with the guy at the Genius Bar about which video game avatar is hotter. FML

by Lucie / 12/22/2013 at 8:51pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me during a funeral. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2013 at 1:26am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I managed to infect a clean computer with a virus while looking up info on how to rid my other computer of the same virus. FML

by me / 12/14/2013 at 8:49pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend let me be the first one to read the novel he dropped out of college to write. Turns out it's titled "A Brief History of Ass" and is an incoherent ramble about every time we've had anal sex. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2013 at 7:51pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy