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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML

#17574583
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28936) - you deserved it (2174)

On 08/25/2011 at 1:26am - intimacy - by InAnAwkwardSituation - United States (New York)

Today, my house got egged. Why? As a joke, my friend bought me a doormat that says, "A Canadian Lives Here." I'm Canadian. FML

#17547358
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19720) - you deserved it (3454)

On 08/22/2011 at 11:58am - misc - by socialdisease - United States (New York)

Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML

#17545314
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25173) - you deserved it (2785)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:38am - kids - by Danielle - United States (New York)

Today, I finally lost my virginity. In my boyfriend's racecar bed. FML

#17534409
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24269) - you deserved it (27439)

On 08/21/2011 at 12:54am - intimacy - by Emily - United States (New York)

Today, the girl of my dreams that I've been dating for months called me. Apparently she's been having recurring nightmares of me cheating on her. She dumped me "just in case." FML

#17527227
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26019) - you deserved it (1631)

On 08/20/2011 at 5:20am - love - by Username - United States (New York)

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

#17525385
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22158) - you deserved it (1732)

On 08/20/2011 at 12:44am - misc - by anonymous22kittylicklick (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

#17525336
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42572) - you deserved it (2619)

On 08/20/2011 at 12:41am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had my first day of soccer tryouts. We began with a two mile run. Trying to be honest for once, I didn't lie about my time. Everyone else did. I thus got the worst score, and had to run it again. FML

#17521281
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22816) - you deserved it (3547)

On 08/19/2011 at 5:08pm - misc - by varsity soccer player - United States (New York)

Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML

#17516862
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8776) - you deserved it (31512)

On 08/19/2011 at 3:13am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML

#17489225
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22847) - you deserved it (10544)

On 08/16/2011 at 10:22am - misc - by erineilis - United States (New York)

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

#17470290
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20653) - you deserved it (6986)

On 08/14/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by Username - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend got arrested. For robbing my house. FML

#17418352
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28896) - you deserved it (4002)

On 08/09/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by iliketoastalot - United States (New York)

Today, at work in a liquor store, a man came in to demand a refund because after he "drank the whole bottle of Jack" he "couldn't get it up" for his wife. He thought that alcohol was supposed to be an aphrodisiac, and blamed me personally for his "whiskey dick". FML

#17415009
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25656) - you deserved it (2278)

On 08/09/2011 at 2:24am - intimacy - by OyGeeze28 (woman) - United States (New York)



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