FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I got a new dentist. You know how most dentists play soft, relaxing music? Well this guy seems to like rap a lot, and it's kinda hard getting your teeth cleaned to the sound of bullets going off. FML

by randomusername99 / 05/05/2014 at 5:51pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, as I was waiting in line to give my mom her birthday present, my dad gave her the exact same gift I'd also bought for her. FML

by sadSarah / 05/01/2014 at 5:59am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, during a boat trip with my boyfriend's family, I got seasick and went to the side of the boat to puke. A current rocked the boat so badly that I fell overboard, prompting a panicked rescue and my boyfriend's mom muttering that I'm a pathetic attention whore. FML

by have it your way / 04/29/2014 at 3:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML

by Anonymous / 04/24/2014 at 11:30am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my nephews discovered how to trick my washing machine into starting up while the door is still open. My laundry room is now flooded, and their mom refuses to accept any responsibility for it. FML

by MisterGasMoney / 04/13/2014 at 1:08pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

by traumatized / 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to a veterans' reunion party with my grandpa. While there, a guy started yelling at me for having an unapproved haircut. It was my grandpa's old drill sergeant, and he thought I was in the army too. Everyone just smirked as he forced me to drop and do push-ups. FML

by Gomer / 04/11/2014 at 10:51am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was given a call home, a 3-day-suspension, and a week of detention in school for a "serious violation of the code of conduct." Said violation? Jogging in the middle of the hall. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandmother is coming over to my family's house to stay for about a week or so. Apparently, the guest room window isn't big enough for her dream catcher, so she wants her cat to sleep in the guest room and she wants to sleep in my room. My parents support this. FML

by themonesterman / 04/02/2014 at 10:25pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad got me one of those word locks for my gym locker, for which the password had to be a four-letter word instead of numbers. My dad chose the combo for me. It was "diet". FML

by anon / 03/31/2014 at 6:10pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. Not only was he boring, he twice excused himself to go to the bathroom and both times he came back smelling of weed. FML

by Jaime / 03/31/2014 at 6:05pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was at a wedding reception with loud music. A guy told me that his sister couldn't be there because she "went home to be with her boy." I said, "That's too bad, she's missing a great party." He paused and repeated, "She went home to be with her LORD." FML

by Anonymous / 03/31/2014 at 12:43am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

by chocochoco / 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous