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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my boss's obese bully of a grandson had a seizure. Being the only physician around, I had to rush in to tend to him. Except it wasn't a seizure as such. My daughter had found my taser and used it on him. FML

#20971381
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48825) - you deserved it (5115)

On 11/26/2013 at 2:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML

#20970124
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52084) - you deserved it (18691)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:38pm - intimacy - by sister sister - United States (New York)

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

#20970108
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43565) - you deserved it (7145)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend announced to me he was sleeping with another girl via alphabet soup. FML

#20968871
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47677) - you deserved it (3693)

On 11/24/2013 at 11:01am - love - by fries - United States (New York)

Today, as a part of my autobiography project for school, I needed to have 2 friends and 2 family members each write me a letter. I ended up having to forge 3 letters. FML

#20964402
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43413) - you deserved it (3663)

On 11/20/2013 at 10:28am - misc - by me - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

#20963971
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28801) - you deserved it (69379)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

#20958782
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35815) - you deserved it (3190)

On 11/15/2013 at 3:30pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

#20946616
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36755) - you deserved it (3279)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Steiner (man) - United States (New York)

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

#20946325
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29051) - you deserved it (57095)

On 11/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Something I said? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my 19-year-old, long-distance boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to text me all day because it's too hard to type while in his Spider-Man suit. It's non-negotiable. FML

#20940116
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38746) - you deserved it (14831)

On 10/31/2013 at 10:30am - love - by AML (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

#20929195
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53953) - you deserved it (9103)

On 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML

#20927673
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44309) - you deserved it (5907)

On 10/20/2013 at 3:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper. I had to reach into my small trash can and use soiled toilet paper to clean myself. When I went to flush the toilet, I noticed three unused rolls of toilet paper sitting on the counter. FML



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