FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

by Yupppp. / 02/11/2015 at 1:25am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my mom called me an attention seeker and threw a bitch fit because my cat "decided" to die on her birthday. FML

by juliette / 02/07/2015 at 12:13am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML

by valarmorgoolies / 02/06/2015 at 1:51pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got hit between the legs with a kayak. FML

by UnidentifiedFun / 01/31/2015 at 1:22pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, instead of taking down the Christmas tree, my sister covered it with Valentine's Day decorations. FML

by lolcat97 / 01/28/2015 at 5:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad was looking for a flashlight in my bedroom. He trashed the place, which I'd just cleaned. Turns out the flashlight was in his bedroom. Then I got a 10 minute lecture on how I was such a slob and I should take more care of my bedroom. FML

by moonchic / 01/16/2015 at 8:47pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

by bowler99 / 01/12/2015 at 11:43am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

by briiiiiiii123 / 01/12/2015 at 2:56am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I got a yeast infection, caused by the antibiotics for my UTI. I got the UTI after having sex for the first time in a year. A couple of minutes of sex have ruined my health. FML

by so much for romance / 01/10/2015 at 10:21pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, the dry skin on my feet has gotten so bad that my boyfriend uses my feet to itch his legs when we're cuddling. FML

by bailey_biz / 01/08/2015 at 7:52am / United States (New York) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as usual, my boyfriend referred to his penis in the third person as "Mr. Willy". Even during sex. FML

by mrwilly / 01/01/2015 at 10:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

by Proposal Fail / 01/01/2015 at 12:47am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I had to deal with numerous complaints about an employee washing their genitals in the communal bathroom sink. Nothing in the HR manual prepared me for this. FML

by BlondePsycho / 12/29/2014 at 11:14pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.