FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML

by KillMePlease / 03/11/2015 at 4:15pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I moved into my new apartment. As I sat in my living room watching Netflix, I found out that my window has an excellent view of my new neighbors, who just so happen to like to shag with the blinds open. I guess I'll be buying some curtains. FML

by curtain buyer / 03/08/2015 at 9:05pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2015 at 8:34pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, a man asked me for directions outside of a local store. After about five minutes into the conversation, I noticed he had whipped his penis out and was stroking it. He then asked me if I liked what I saw. FML

by sammy18f / 02/23/2015 at 10:46pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, trying to do a good deed, I gave a homeless guy a $10 bill. As I walked away, he yelled after me, "You fucking bitch!" FML

by HaliMali / 02/22/2015 at 1:21pm / United States (New York) / Money

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

by Yupppp. / 02/11/2015 at 1:25am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my mom called me an attention seeker and threw a bitch fit because my cat "decided" to die on her birthday. FML

by juliette / 02/07/2015 at 12:13am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML

by valarmorgoolies / 02/06/2015 at 1:51pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got hit between the legs with a kayak. FML

by UnidentifiedFun / 01/31/2015 at 1:22pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, instead of taking down the Christmas tree, my sister covered it with Valentine's Day decorations. FML

by lolcat97 / 01/28/2015 at 5:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad was looking for a flashlight in my bedroom. He trashed the place, which I'd just cleaned. Turns out the flashlight was in his bedroom. Then I got a 10 minute lecture on how I was such a slob and I should take more care of my bedroom. FML

by moonchic / 01/16/2015 at 8:47pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my little brother walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex and threatened to tell my parents. I paid him $30 to keep quiet. 15 minutes later he told them. FML

by bowler99 / 01/12/2015 at 11:43am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

by briiiiiiii123 / 01/12/2015 at 2:56am / United States (New York) / Intimacy