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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I have food poisoning. My boss told me that if I didn't come into work, I'd be fired. Not 30 minutes after sitting down, I sneezed and shat my pants. My boss still won't let me leave. FML

#21421576
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28741) - you deserved it (1822)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out the reason my co-workers have been giving me gum every day is not because of their generosity, but because everyone in the office thinks my breath smells. FML

#21411436
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22903) - you deserved it (10260)

On 05/17/2015 at 12:13pm - work - by smellynelly (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up so hungover that when I went to the bathroom and caught sight of myself in the mirror, I screamed, slipped backwards, and smashed my head against the rim of my bathtub. FML

#21410586
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21707) - you deserved it (10495)

On 05/15/2015 at 4:26pm - health - by hedayk - United States (New York)

Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

#21404461
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31999) - you deserved it (2350)

On 05/04/2015 at 12:28pm - misc - by to_complicated_4_u - United States (New York)

Today, I had to explain to my 23-year-old female friend that when I get my hysterectomy, I will still be able to poop. FML

#21398063
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23726) - you deserved it (1846)

On 04/22/2015 at 5:46pm - health - by biomajor99 - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered why my pet bird has been hiding behind my couch pillow lately. It's not because she was nesting, as I thought. She's been secretly tearing apart the whole couch from behind there instead. FML

#21395798
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25238) - you deserved it (4095)

On 04/18/2015 at 3:34pm - animals - by thisisnotavirustrustme.exe (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was forced into accepting a "promotion" for a position that pays less than what I get right now. FML

#21387438
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28056) - you deserved it (2689)

On 04/04/2015 at 8:42am - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' joke on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

#21385709
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24207) - you deserved it (9863)

On 04/01/2015 at 1:46pm - work - by TecheyTim - United States (New York)

Today, I had to teach my grandma how to burn files to CDs. I jokingly said that it doesn't involve literally burning the disks in fire, to which she responded by slapping me and calling me a patronizing brat. FML

#21383501
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23049) - you deserved it (12485)

On 03/29/2015 at 10:03am - misc - by shamwazzlefarznarfnarfwoofbaaa (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML

#21377727
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27172) - you deserved it (2490)

On 03/19/2015 at 11:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my mom and I made the bad decision to go hiking for some mother-daughter bonding even though we had little experience. My mother tumbled down a mountain named Tumbledown and I couldn't even enjoy the irony because I had to half carry her all the way back to the car. FML

#21375957
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27646) - you deserved it (3302)

On 03/16/2015 at 8:56pm - health - by manderpander21 - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking my dog. Suddenly, my insane neighbor who loves dogs a bit too much comes over and asks to pet my dog. I say OK, thinking that if I watch her, she won't do anything. I turn around to make sure no cars are coming and when I turn back, she's trying to steal my dog. FML

Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML

#21372587
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25106) - you deserved it (2157)

On 03/11/2015 at 4:15pm - work - by KillMePlease (man) - United States (New York)



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