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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my 8 year old son asked me why he had to make his bed everyday if he would just use it again. I replied with, "You flush the toilet even though you're going to use it again, right?" He said, "Good point." Now he's not making his bed or flushing the toilet. FML

#21248169
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35525) - you deserved it (8685)

On 08/29/2014 at 10:54pm - kids - by sam_666777 - United States (New York)

Today, I was fixing the plumbing at my father-in-law's house. I told him to shut off the water and yell to me when he did. A few minutes later, I heard a yell and removed the pipe. I was met with a face full of water. Turns out he was just very excited when the Rangers beat the Mariners. FML

#21245661
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35226) - you deserved it (3241)

On 08/26/2014 at 7:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML

#21245034
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27241) - you deserved it (15171)

On 08/25/2014 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

#21244207
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39186) - you deserved it (5850)

On 08/24/2014 at 1:51am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43512) - you deserved it (16277)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that when someone is choking you don't do the "hymen maneuver", you do the "heimlich maneuver". I was corrected by my girlfriend's parents. FML

#21240474
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31171) - you deserved it (13710)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:29pm - misc - by FANZZY - United States (New York)

Today, I was watching my 3 year old brother. He asked me to get him a cookie and I said, "What's the magic word?" He looked at me angrily and said "Bitch, please." FML

#21227114
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43275) - you deserved it (7018)

On 08/01/2014 at 9:57pm - kids - by WickedRene (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to go to the hospital to get blood taken. The nurse mentioned how pronounced and easy to see my veins are. I guess that explains why she missed five times in a row. I'm surprised my arm doesn't look like a heroin addict's right now. FML

#21222027
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36373) - you deserved it (2512)

On 07/27/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up from a horrible nightmare. What was it about? Me accidentally scratching a non-stick pan with my utility knife. FML

Today, I held the door open for a woman and her kids on my way out of the bank. She started accusing me of patronizing her, and when I just let go of the door in protest, she deliberately leaned in so it hit her in the face. I felt the glares from the entire bank as she pretended to cry. FML

#21220355
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45575) - you deserved it (3428)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:16pm - misc - by notadoorman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I tried fixing my dad's lawnmower after he said, "Girls can't change a lightbulb right, let alone fix a machine." An hour later, when I had the lawnmower running again, he bitched me out for trying to make him "look stupid." He's been sulking and acting pissy ever since. FML

#21218479
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51805) - you deserved it (4342)

On 07/23/2014 at 4:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I visited my dad. He gave the, "You live under my roof, you follow my rules" lecture since I didn't do my "chores". I moved out 3 years ago. FML

#21216549
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39376) - you deserved it (3250)

On 07/21/2014 at 6:14pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went surfing, got a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket. FML

#21216262
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36875) - you deserved it (23117)

On 07/21/2014 at 1:14pm - misc - by surfer - United States (New York)



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