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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, I took a nap on the couch. Apparently, my wife decided to put makeup all over my face as I slept. She didn't tell me until after I went to the gas station to grab some beer. Looks like I will have to find a new place to buy beer from now on. FML

#21505521
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20442) - you deserved it (3464)

On 12/19/2015 at 2:20pm - love - by Sleeping Beauty - United States (New York)

Today, I came home early to surprise my boyfriend. I walked into our bedroom to find him in dressed completely in my clothes, and in makeup. It took me a moment to realize it was him and not a female intruder. FML

#21503943
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23424) - you deserved it (2032)

On 12/15/2015 at 8:03am - misc - by ConfusedGirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was volunteering at a gift-wrapping booth to raise money for autism, and helping others takes my mind off the fact that my mom died at Christmas. While carefully wrapping a present, offering bows, ribbons, and a gift tag, a snobby bitch said to me, "You're not doing a very good job." FML

#21503447
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24459) - you deserved it (1995)

On 12/13/2015 at 10:23pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, the small plane I was on almost crashed, all because the pilot's girlfriend figured out mid-flight that he's been cheating on her, causing her to start screaming abuse and furiously beating him. FML

#21502798
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22648) - you deserved it (1268)

On 12/12/2015 at 12:32am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was working at a supermarket, a kid started to cry in line because he couldn't get candy. Since we have free lollipops behind the desk, I gave him one. His mom complained to my manager and said I was grooming her child. FML

#21502733
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20546) - you deserved it (5610)

On 12/11/2015 at 9:05pm - kids - by ilovekids? - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that I know, all too well, what it feels like to have my over-middle-age boss's boob on my shoulder. FML

#21502646
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18358) - you deserved it (1631)

On 12/11/2015 at 4:10pm - work - by WeightonmyShoulders (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

#21498523
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26261) - you deserved it (2666)

On 11/30/2015 at 11:34am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in a play and had a battle scene. I got a little too into it and wound up twisting my ankle. The audience was treated to me screaming like a little girl before face-planting the stage a moment later. FML

#21497434
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19008) - you deserved it (3276)

On 11/27/2015 at 10:28am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I noticed that the eye drops I have been using 3 times a day for the past week expired when the Jonas Brothers were popular. FML

#21497247
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20165) - you deserved it (5211)

On 11/26/2015 at 9:47pm - health - by clkoko - United States (New York)

Today, my neighbor called me a lucky bastard and said he heard me getting my wife off last night. I was too ashamed to admit the sounds he was referring to were from my 17-year-old daughter after a wasp flew through her bedroom window. FML

#21496628
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23154) - you deserved it (2200)

On 11/25/2015 at 10:50am - kids - by ashamed (man) - United States (New York)

Today, we buried my mom. I walked past my sister's husband just in time to hear him mutter: "Hope the fire's nice and hot down there, you old hag." I told my sister. She wouldn't believe me and accused me of trying to start drama. FML

#21495367
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24584) - you deserved it (2489)

On 11/22/2015 at 12:45am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, at school, I was asked to play a complex piano piece in front of my class, teachers and guests. I nailed it, but what stood out most for everyone was how I apparently looked like I was being possessed while performing. FML

#21494410
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22497) - you deserved it (1946)

On 11/19/2015 at 11:44am - misc - by auto boogie man (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was suffering from acid reflux. I was told that drinking water laced with baking soda would help. Nope, all it did was create a huge belch that made me vomit all over myself. FML

#21488401
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20966) - you deserved it (3418)

On 11/04/2015 at 1:26pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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