FMLs submitted from New York

Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't have to sit on campus so long to print it all out. It just got delivered in Arizona today. I live in New York. FML

by wtf / 10/19/2016 at 8:09am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he got me fired. Looks like my calendar is clear. FML

by HRomero / 10/17/2016 at 9:17am / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend of five months told me that she had booked us reservations to our town's Halloween barbecue party. When I reminded her that I'm vegan, she told me she specifically got the reservations to help me to quit my "stupid fad". Weird, I never knew being a devout Hindu was a fad. FML

by Cow lover / 10/12/2016 at 10:13am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML

by chrisinator / 10/11/2016 at 12:21am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, my husband brought me breakfast in bed. Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful and love him even more for the thought. But the only problem with breakfast in bed is that you have to eat what they bring you, even if it's bad. FML

by B.B / 10/07/2016 at 10:03am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I walked in on my brother completely naked from the waist down. I wouldn't have cared if he wasn't masturbating using my lingerie. FML

by LemonLearn / 10/06/2016 at 4:59pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at a bank, I helped a customer who was making a large withdrawal. After I counted out his money, I asked "Do you want the strap on?" After a moment of awkward silence, as I realized how that came out, he smiled and said, "No thanks, I don't need one." and winked. Great. FML

by StarDust5921 / 10/03/2016 at 9:55pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I spent 2 hours organizing all of my coupons, just to leave out my room for 10 seconds to come back to my 2-year-old crumbling them up and ripping them. FML

by DezyCoCo / 10/01/2016 at 1:14am / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I woke up suddenly with giant bugs biting my legs. I screamed, ripped the blanket off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to recover. Turns out it was all a dream, and the person who needed to recover most was my shell-shocked boyfriend who had been sleeping soundly beside me. Sorry, babe. FML

by sweetdreams / 09/18/2016 at 2:39am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

by Canali18 / 09/17/2016 at 10:45am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was, "trying to change her." A week ago I asked her to stop talking to the 6 guys that have all previously asked her for nudes. FML

by eggman 583 / 09/13/2016 at 5:12pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my boyfriend told me he only loves me sometimes. He explained what days he chooses to love me and what days he doesn't want to. I told him that's not how it works. He disagreed. He's 27. He still doesn't understand why this is a problem. FML

by Now What / 09/08/2016 at 1:04pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I figured out why I have been feeling so drowsy and lethargic for the past week. My daughter had been slipping sleeping pills into my coffee as payback for taking her phone away. FML

by failedparenting / 09/07/2016 at 12:44pm / United States (New York) / Kids