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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

#21284031
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21229) - you deserved it (3537)

On 10/23/2014 at 9:25pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

#21282761
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27872) - you deserved it (3365)

On 10/21/2014 at 10:11pm - misc - by anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, after months of job hunting, I started a new job in a deli. I've been a vegetarian since I was 13, but it was the only job I could find. Turns out, I'm allergic to the preservatives they use, as my fingers now resemble sausages. Guess it's time to start job hunting again. FML

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but I was so nervous that I had a panic attack, fainted and split my head open. My girlfriend then fainted at the sight of the blood. An onlooker had to call an ambulance for both of us. FML

#21280696
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33278) - you deserved it (3315)

On 10/18/2014 at 9:23pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I and a coworker got bitched out and suspended by our boss after our computers got infected with a weird porn virus. It soon turned out the virus had come from our boss' infected memory stick. Did he apologize? No. Is our suspension still in force? Yes. FML

#21275140
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37043) - you deserved it (2457)

On 10/10/2014 at 6:34pm - work - by shatfjord (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

#21275026
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32245) - you deserved it (2921)

On 10/10/2014 at 3:12pm - misc - by JulietMarie - United States (New York)

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, same as every other night, I sat in my car outside my home, just to avoid going inside. I live alone. FML

Today, while running an event, my belt loop got caught in those metal whorls that outdoor chairs have. I couldn't get it undone and had to greet guests by standing up and bringing the chair with me, hanging from my ass. My coworker finally had to cut the belt loop to set me free. FML

#21266851
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28522) - you deserved it (3483)

On 09/28/2014 at 7:40am - work - by Abbynyc - United States (New York)

Today, we had a meeting at my job and we had to introduce new ideas to our boss. Earlier, I was talking to one of my close friends who also attended the meeting about my idea. As we start the meeting, she decides to steal my idea and take complete credit for it. My boss loves "her" idea. FML

#21265023
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36476) - you deserved it (5811)

On 09/25/2014 at 8:18am - work - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, a new fire alarm system is being installed in my building. Not only does the alarm go off incessantly, but the elevators stop running when it happens. I live on the 12th floor. FML

Today, I got an Economics test back from my professor. I got a 17/20. I looked it over and noticed one of the questions was completely right. I checked the textbook he made and the answer was the same. I asked him why it was wrong, and he responded with, "I guess I changed my mind." FML

#21260926
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36530) - you deserved it (2188)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:44pm - misc - by badprofessor - United States (New York)

Today, I had made a cup of my favorite coffee, which I had recently found to be discontinued. To accompany this last cup, I went to get a muffin. As I turned around, I see my son pouring the cup out because I out put it next to the sink and he thought it was dirty. FML

#21258936
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31846) - you deserved it (6068)

On 09/15/2014 at 6:19pm - misc - by lucas_urev - United States (New York)



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