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FMLs submitted from New York

Today, after twelve straight hours of work, my fourteen year old son surprised me with a broken window and a cracked TV. He said, "I was swatting away a fly." FML

#21461075
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19755) - you deserved it (1354)

On 08/26/2015 at 8:28pm - kids - by tortureromoretorture - United States (New York)

Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years saying he only dates me because "sometimes jerking off just ain't good enough". FML

#21460883
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21367) - you deserved it (1963)

On 08/26/2015 at 8:31am - love - by Ananimus (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I awoke at two in the morning to my cat putting his most recent kill on my chest. When I jumped up screaming, the dead mouse went flying and now my husband and I can't find it. Better yet now both my husband and my cat are giving me the silent treatment. FML

#21460304
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20557) - you deserved it (2048)

On 08/24/2015 at 11:16pm - animals - by catlady - United States (New York)

Today, I was unaware that me losing my virginity was also breakup sex. FML

#21460101
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25048) - you deserved it (2303)

On 08/24/2015 at 2:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML

#21457890
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18492) - you deserved it (10484)

On 08/19/2015 at 1:15am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had to ride in the back seat of a car, next to a large, hyperactive dog who experiences nervous bowel movements. FML

#21455554
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21095) - you deserved it (1470)

On 08/13/2015 at 10:54am - animals - by grace (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim it was my fault that he cheated on me, all because I "deprived" him of sex for two weeks last month when I went on a family vacation. If his mental gymnastics were physical, I swear he'd be able to suck his own cock. FML

#21452247
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25325) - you deserved it (2241)

On 08/05/2015 at 1:35pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. My wife, who didn't want me to get them, decided it would be a good idea to jump on the hood of the car while I was driving off. She hit the car and fell off. My neighbor saw this. Neither her nor the cops believe me when I say I didn't hit her. FML

#21449719
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23539) - you deserved it (4098)

On 07/30/2015 at 10:06pm - misc - by Just wanted a cigarette (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

#21449249
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21911) - you deserved it (2922)

On 07/29/2015 at 9:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I realized the only reason my mom trusts me to stay home alone for long periods of time is because I don't have enough friends to throw a party. FML

#21448086
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25139) - you deserved it (2235)

On 07/27/2015 at 3:12pm - misc - by Not turnt - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my parents secretly throw away any food I cook for them, because they think I might try to poison them. FML

#21435904
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25817) - you deserved it (2467)

On 07/03/2015 at 3:02pm - misc - by Rusty (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after my daughter told half her class about my retainer, I advised her to keep mummy's personal details personal. Now she responds, "I'm not supposed to tell" to any question regarding our home life. Thus far, I've received six very concerned calls. FML

#21433102
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23473) - you deserved it (2373)

On 06/28/2015 at 1:13am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up to my mother telling me to sit up and get dressed because we had to go before it was too late. I just woke up from surgery. She didn't want to be stuck in traffic. FML

#21432043
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28793) - you deserved it (1722)

On 06/25/2015 at 11:06pm - health - by postop (woman) - United States (New York)



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