FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I went to leave my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

by trixanne / 01/06/2015 at 3:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML

by anon / 01/05/2015 at 7:15pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bit into a piece of homegrown lettuce from my garden. Apparently, I'm not the only one to enjoy my produce, because I took a bite out of a small caterpillar. FML

by Malina / 01/03/2015 at 8:42pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

by Yeah-It's-Just-Me / 12/31/2014 at 7:52pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2014 at 9:41am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to cover his share of the rent because he didn't work during the week, saying business has been slow. I checked and found out he called in sick four times. He wanted to stay home and watch online gaming matches. FML

by he wasn't even playing / 12/06/2014 at 11:52pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML

by tine / 11/16/2014 at 4:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML

by jj / 11/07/2014 at 12:47am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

by spooked / 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my son mutter to himself, "If Hitler could do it to that many people, so could I..." Anyone recommend a good psychiatrist? FML

by failure / 11/02/2014 at 3:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I was pulled over and fined $100 for driving without a license, as I'd accidentally left home without my wallet. I later found my wallet wedged beside my car seat, where it had been the entire time. FML

by emptypockets / 10/31/2014 at 9:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money

Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2014 at 6:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

by Anonymous / 10/22/2014 at 9:33pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids