FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, a customer tried to order a Zinger burger. I tried to explain that he was at McDonalds and that the Zinger is a KFC burger. He accused me of lying to him and tried to report me to my manager. FML

by McSlave / 01/18/2015 at 2:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my dad was fixing my wardrobe and pushed too hard, causing stuff to fall from the top shelves. I saw it happen with my own eyes, but he's dead-set convinced that it was some kind of poltergeist fucking with him, and now he doesn't want me to go in my room. FML

by Anonymous / 01/16/2015 at 11:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I went to leave my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML

by trixanne / 01/06/2015 at 3:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent hours cooking an amazing dinner for my family, who had just gotten home from a trip, so we could spend some time together because I'd started to miss everyone. When they got home, they saw it all laid out and just took plates to their room, without even telling me they were home. FML

by anon / 01/05/2015 at 7:15pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I bit into a piece of homegrown lettuce from my garden. Apparently, I'm not the only one to enjoy my produce, because I took a bite out of a small caterpillar. FML

by Malina / 01/03/2015 at 8:42pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I had numerous calls from people saying they need a baby sitter, because "they know I wasn't invited anywhere". FML

by Yeah-It's-Just-Me / 12/31/2014 at 7:52pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

by Anonymous / 12/20/2014 at 9:41am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to cover his share of the rent because he didn't work during the week, saying business has been slow. I checked and found out he called in sick four times. He wanted to stay home and watch online gaming matches. FML

by he wasn't even playing / 12/06/2014 at 11:52pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML

by tine / 11/16/2014 at 4:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML

by jj / 11/07/2014 at 12:47am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

by spooked / 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I overheard my son mutter to himself, "If Hitler could do it to that many people, so could I..." Anyone recommend a good psychiatrist? FML

by failure / 11/02/2014 at 3:57pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I was pulled over and fined $100 for driving without a license, as I'd accidentally left home without my wallet. I later found my wallet wedged beside my car seat, where it had been the entire time. FML

by emptypockets / 10/31/2014 at 9:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money