FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, my father tried to excuse his alcoholism by saying that his stomach stops working, and he needs to drink vodka to get it started again. FML

by TJRoy / 04/29/2015 at 2:37am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2015 at 3:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

by pukeytimes / 04/10/2015 at 7:03pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend when we came across the most beautiful piece of Japanese furniture. When I inspected it closely, my boyfriend started laughing. Turns out I was making the same noise I make when I orgasm in reaction to a piece of furniture. FML

by Repethetic / 04/02/2015 at 8:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I needed to pee at my friend's house. His bathroom door is often left closed even if there's no one in there, so I knocked just to make sure. His stepdad opened the door stark naked. FML

by oops / 03/30/2015 at 9:52pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I found my dad's porn stash on his laptop. I went through it for a laugh to see what kind of sick, twisted shit he's into. Mostly nude pictures of my mum, as it turns out. I can't wipe the afterimage from my mind. FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2015 at 4:28pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

by mareecasellafml / 03/27/2015 at 5:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML

by sexybelly / 03/26/2015 at 4:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, my younger sister stopped talking to me. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years and apparently, she's been in love with him since she met him. Through me. She's 12. FML

by twelvie / 03/23/2015 at 10:24am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

by tobuscus9412 / 03/21/2015 at 9:04pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, while camping, I was given the sex talk, along with visuals created with marshmallows and a roasting fork. FML

by Anonymous / 03/18/2015 at 11:02am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, one of the guys I work with ran his finger down the back of my shirt and said, "Just checking to see if you're wearing a bra today". FML

by SteamyPenguin / 03/13/2015 at 11:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I thought the ring my boyfriend bought for me had fallen off while emptying the trash into the bin. After panicking and emptying a week's worth of rubbish onto the ground, I found my ring safe and sound. On my other hand. FML

by MyPrecious... / 03/10/2015 at 8:33pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love