FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

by nityasomaiya / 05/16/2015 at 1:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, all of my roommates handed in their vacating notice unexpectedly. They are all moving to a new house together in two weeks, leaving me to be either homeless or forced to pay 4 times what I was paying in rent. FML

by sparkyjaf / 05/14/2015 at 8:41am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money

Today, at my job in a gas station, a customer who had previously driven off without paying came in to shout abuse at me because I had said in the police statement, "He looks about 60." He is apparently 55. He didn't come in to pay, he came in to swear at me. FML

by GotGasNotLuck / 05/05/2015 at 6:50am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my father tried to excuse his alcoholism by saying that his stomach stops working, and he needs to drink vodka to get it started again. FML

by TJRoy / 04/29/2015 at 2:37am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2015 at 3:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

by pukeytimes / 04/10/2015 at 7:03pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend when we came across the most beautiful piece of Japanese furniture. When I inspected it closely, my boyfriend started laughing. Turns out I was making the same noise I make when I orgasm in reaction to a piece of furniture. FML

by Repethetic / 04/02/2015 at 8:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I needed to pee at my friend's house. His bathroom door is often left closed even if there's no one in there, so I knocked just to make sure. His stepdad opened the door stark naked. FML

by oops / 03/30/2015 at 9:52pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I found my dad's porn stash on his laptop. I went through it for a laugh to see what kind of sick, twisted shit he's into. Mostly nude pictures of my mum, as it turns out. I can't wipe the afterimage from my mind. FML

by Anonymous / 03/27/2015 at 4:28pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I handed out 20 resumes to a variety of stores. To my delight, I got a phone call the same day. Unfortunately, they weren't calling about a job, they were informing me on my resume it says, "I have a dick." All thanks to my boyfriend, who thought it would be hilarious. FML

by mareecasellafml / 03/27/2015 at 5:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML

by sexybelly / 03/26/2015 at 4:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, my younger sister stopped talking to me. I got engaged to my boyfriend of 4 years and apparently, she's been in love with him since she met him. Through me. She's 12. FML

by twelvie / 03/23/2015 at 10:24am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML

by tobuscus9412 / 03/21/2015 at 9:04pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous