FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, I finally got around to writing my Christmas cards. After finishing, I realized I had written "Happy Birthday" instead of "Merry Christmas" on every single one. FML

by mannnnn2717 / 12/20/2009 at 5:41pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, when my boyfriend and I were becoming intimate, his cat decides to jump onto the bed and lie right in between us. He then informs me that he wanted to stop to "preserve his cat's innocence." FML

by Madagascar / 12/19/2009 at 5:18am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I handed my resume in to a cafe that was hiring. I returned home and noticed a voicemail, it was one from the boss for a trial. I eagerly returned the call, showing my enthusiasm. Without thinking, I ended with "ok love you. *GASP* ah, BYE" and quickly hung up. FML

by babyfatt / 12/16/2009 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I stepped out of a bar in order to make a phone call. While I was outside, the bouncers arrived and ropes were put up. They wouldn't let me back in, claiming I was too young and they hadn't seen me come out. I was celebrating my 26th birthday, the legal drinking age is 18. I also have a beard. FML

by BabyBeardy / 12/10/2009 at 6:05pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went into my room and found a plastic snake on the floor. I yelled out to my sister, "Good one, Ellen!" I picked up the snake to take it to show her. The snake started moving in my hands and bit me. I had to go to the hospital. FML

by olive_costume / 12/04/2009 at 8:16pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad offered to take me and my sister to school because we just moved houses. On the way, he asked us why we looked so tired. We just said we were tired from moving house. Truth is, our room is right next to theirs. We heard everything. Loud and clear. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2009 at 7:22pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

by youshitme / 11/25/2009 at 9:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

by AussieGirl / 11/21/2009 at 6:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I was driving to my new home with a lot of my belongings in the car. I could hear things shifting in the back. When I parked, I opened the door, ready to catch my vodka. I caught it- and watched my laptop slide out of the car, onto the concrete, and break into 3 pieces. FML

by Earths_Venus / 11/19/2009 at 5:31pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I found out that if you lose contact with people in your previous school, they decide to spread rumors about you and make everyone believe that you're dead. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2009 at 4:03am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, whilst singing at school in front of 300 visiting primary school children I forgot the second verse to my song and let out an F*** word with the microphone still up to my face. FML

by fail / 11/19/2009 at 1:10am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

by bakergirl / 11/16/2009 at 5:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my date arrived far earlier than expected to pick me up. Apparently my mother decided to show him to my room anyway. When the door swung open, I happened to be butt naked in front of the mirror, trying to pick out an ingrown hair on my bum. FML

by stubblebutt / 11/13/2009 at 7:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous