FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, I discovered my new step-dad has a rule about the shower. After three minutes, he turns the water off at the source. I had to beg him to turn it back on whilst covered in shampoo suds, and the only way I could get him to give me another minute was to forfeit my phone for the week. FML

by ruserious / 08/07/2015 at 7:24am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML

by Notsurewhattofeelaboutthis / 08/06/2015 at 10:55pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, a customer bitched me out, saying he wouldn't eat his vegetarian dish because it didn't "look vegetarian enough." He then demanded a refund and a plate of the same vegetarian dish. FML

by Anonymous / 07/28/2015 at 9:14am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

by Skoff / 07/23/2015 at 5:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I woke up early and took my medication to help me focus while catching up on lectures. I ended up spending the whole day focused on fixing my drawer for no apparent reason. FML

by distracted / 07/13/2015 at 9:56am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

by stink / 06/30/2015 at 10:40pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my husband asked me to buy a different brand of dish soap, as the one he was using wasn't working. After a quick look, I had to agree. The lemon cordial he had been using, while tasting nice, didn't really help clean the dishes. FML

by SpankyRaven / 06/30/2015 at 1:29pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2015 at 10:48pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, some asshat ran onto the road and tried and jump over my car as I drove by. He didn't make the jump. FML

by gurding / 06/21/2015 at 12:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my co-worker told me how "lucky" I am that I "chose" to be a lesbian, because I don't have to deal with "guy drama". I spent two years of my adolescence sleeping at a bus stop and begging strangers for money after I got kicked out of home. FML

by Lesbihonest / 06/17/2015 at 9:31am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out why my mother-in-law kept asking for one particular photo of our baby. She just wanted to show off the blanket that she had made to her friends on Facebook. Her first grandchild was almost completely cropped out of the picture. FML

by AndyClara / 06/14/2015 at 4:27pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2015 at 1:35am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, a customer yelled, "I'll bash your fuckin' face in, cunt" at me at 9:30am because we don't serve the lunch menu at breakfast time. Yes, the 15-year-old girl in high school is responsible for McDonald's entire menu. FML

by McFuckYouTooCunt / 06/11/2015 at 9:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work