FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, I found the same spider which I had let live yesterday hidden in my bath towel. I didn't find it until it was smeared on my face. FML

by dre_bro11 / 11/06/2011 at 7:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I was fired for the second time in as many days. I received a letter notifying me that I would no longer be working for the company, effective immediately. When I did not attend work the next day, I received a phone call firing me for not turning up. FML

by fired / 11/04/2011 at 12:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML

by poopcoloredeyes / 10/31/2011 at 4:06pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I caught my best friend in bed with my current boyfriend. Apparently watching movies naked is "the new in thing". FML

by backstabbed / 10/29/2011 at 3:22am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I found my "lost" bicycle in my best friend's garage. I've been having to catch two buses to get to work for the past few months. FML

by jwhizzle / 10/20/2011 at 7:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents had a fight as to which one of them is the most cultured. As a result, they've begun writing my chore lists in a variety of languages. If I don't do them, I'm grounded. I only speak English. FML

by Missy / 10/19/2011 at 6:29pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a stressful series of events, I went to the beach to unwind. I sat on the sand, breathed in deeply and closed my eyes, trying to find some sort of inner peace. Then a seagull shat on me. FML

by targe / 10/19/2011 at 5:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was threatened with suspension from school because of my nose piercing. I had to explain that it's actually a pimple. FML

by top dog! / 10/11/2011 at 4:05pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I came home from work to find the front door wide open, the stove on, my 5 year old cutting up the curtain, and my 2 year old smearing chocolate sauce on the floor. My fiancé was nowhere to be found. Later on, I got a text from him saying that he'd gone to watch the footy. FML

by chocolateisyum / 10/09/2011 at 7:13am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was pulled over by the police. The cop was my ex-boyfriend. He had no legitimate reason to pull me over, so he thoroughly checked my car. He gave me a defect notice and a fine. What for? A broken door lock, on my rear passenger door. FML

by jkass / 10/07/2011 at 11:07am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I finished a website that I have been working on for ages for a friend. He tried to repay me by offering to teach me to play table tennis. FML

by Matt / 10/05/2011 at 6:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I learned no matter how much your friends pressure you, you must never snort lines of curry powder. FML

by Anonymous / 10/01/2011 at 2:48am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in a desperate attempt to get my business "out there", I dropped a few of my cards on a station floor. I got a call, even a quote. A $500 fine from the transit for public littering. FML

by Sam / 09/26/2011 at 7:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money