FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2012 at 2:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML

by Urinal Fresh / 03/02/2012 at 5:19am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML

by meet Chloe / 02/19/2012 at 4:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend's father suggested that, ideally, I should aim to have my baby in early July, or wait until he gets back from Europe in October. I'm due September 4th, and he will be "incredibly disappointed" if he misses the birth of his first grandchild due to my "selfishness". FML

by preggo / 02/19/2012 at 3:55am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, while working as a receptionist at a health clinic a woman came to settle her account. Before she left, she held out her closed palm and asked if I could put something in the bin for her. I held out my hand and watched many bits of chewed fingernails land in my palm. FML

by Tay / 02/16/2012 at 8:29pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

by Anonymous / 02/16/2012 at 2:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I realised my girlfriend only has sex with me to make me exercise. FML

by mattttbob / 02/04/2012 at 5:16am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

by Arielle / 01/31/2012 at 6:07am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I learnt there's a woman who comes into my store only to hear my Barry White-like voice. My boss knows who it is, yet refuses to tell me because it's "hilarious." I'm now cautious of every customer. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2012 at 4:00am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my boyfriend was flying his toy helicopter at my head. It got stuck in my hair and I now have a bald patch. FML

by honey soy / 01/29/2012 at 1:31am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

by The Towel Molester / 01/26/2012 at 9:49am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I found out that if a jock calls you a nerd in the street and you retaliate with a witty comeback, be prepared to run. Fast. FML

by JMcKay / 01/25/2012 at 10:36pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

by Paicked / 01/25/2012 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love