FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, I finally found out why my new co-worker has been shooting me dirty looks, being rude to me, and generally trying to avoid me. It's because I have blonde hair and blue eyes, and she thinks people like me are Nazis. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2015 at 8:29am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I was riding my bike along a road and a deer jumped out from the tree line, knocking me to the ground and breaking my arm. Someone pulled over to see if I was alright, running over my bike in the process. FML

by Shibs / 10/13/2015 at 12:55pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

by Gassy / 09/21/2015 at 10:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a dick for the first time in my life, on the early morning crowded train headed for work. FML

by Anonymous / 09/07/2015 at 10:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, a male friend of mine tried to kiss me. When I shoved him away and demanded to know what the fuck he was doing, he said he didn't think I was really a lesbian because I went on a date with a guy. Once. Over 15 years ago. FML

by Tag / 09/06/2015 at 8:54pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I arrived 10 minutes early to my orthodontist's office to get my braces off. It turns out my appointment was actually one hour earlier, and now the next available appointment is in four weeks. FML

by Anonymous / 09/04/2015 at 8:43pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I took the lid off my slow cooker to serve up a casserole that had been 12 hours in the making. A cockroach took the opportunity to dive in. My husband and I are now eating toast, while the delicious smell of casserole taunts us from the trash. FML

by MsMedea / 08/11/2015 at 8:02am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered my new step-dad has a rule about the shower. After three minutes, he turns the water off at the source. I had to beg him to turn it back on whilst covered in shampoo suds, and the only way I could get him to give me another minute was to forfeit my phone for the week. FML

by ruserious / 08/07/2015 at 7:24am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my ex-girlfriend writes erotic fiction describing all of my moves in intimate detail. The whole internet gets to critique my entire sexual repertoire. FML

by Notsurewhattofeelaboutthis / 08/06/2015 at 10:55pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, a customer bitched me out, saying he wouldn't eat his vegetarian dish because it didn't "look vegetarian enough." He then demanded a refund and a plate of the same vegetarian dish. FML

by Anonymous / 07/28/2015 at 9:14am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

by Skoff / 07/23/2015 at 5:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals

Today, I woke up early and took my medication to help me focus while catching up on lectures. I ended up spending the whole day focused on fixing my drawer for no apparent reason. FML

by distracted / 07/13/2015 at 9:56am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

by stink / 06/30/2015 at 10:40pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work