FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, my son displayed an interest in chess, and asked me to teach him to play. Five minutes in, I captured his queen. He screamed "SCREW THIS STUPID GAME", slammed his fist down on his pieces, and started crying because of the pain. He's fourteen years old. FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2012 at 8:55pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I cleaned the toilet so vigorously that I snapped the handle of the brush. I laughed and told the rest of my family. Instead of joining in on the hilarity, my mother screamed, "We have had that toilet brush for twenty-six years!" FML

by SLAB_GIRL15 / 08/01/2012 at 3:59am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my OCD boyfriend stopped mid-way through sex just to crack all ten of his knuckles after accidentally cracking one. FML

by anonymous / 07/29/2012 at 9:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

by ellieowenie / 07/29/2012 at 4:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I was speaking to my mother on the phone, when she mentioned that my dad had surprised her last week with a pearl necklace. Before I could quite grasp what was going on, I'd popped a boner and visualised the scene. What the hell is wrong with me? FML

by clayton / 07/27/2012 at 8:30pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, my mother screamed at my brother for ages for playing a Nicki Minaj music video. She said it's "terrible, demonic garbage" that'll get us "spitroasted in Hell". I don't even disagree with the first part, but she does this kind of thing every single day when I get home from my night job. FML

by arghgffhdfg / 07/14/2012 at 8:22pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had eight teeth removed in preparation for getting my braces fitted. My winter break will now consists of barely being able to sleep or eat, tasting blood, and looking like a goofy-ass chipmunk. FML

by Julie is in pain / 07/06/2012 at 1:11pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML

by Nick / 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I was arrested for drinking in public. It was my friend who was drinking; I was taking the alcohol from her so she wouldn't be arrested. FML

by meeks123 / 06/20/2012 at 1:03am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

by rosabelle91 / 06/17/2012 at 10:58am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my psychiatrist asked me if I felt bad about my weight. When I said no, he looked surprised and said, "Why not?" FML

by ouch / 06/14/2012 at 7:26am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I was chatting to a co-worker, upon whom I have a serious crush. It was going really well, until he said "irregardless", as if it's actually a proper word. This grammatical abomination really ticks me off, and I actually had to fight back the urge to beat some damn sense into him. FML

by Rebecca / 06/13/2012 at 7:50pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "F*ck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML

by perfectman / 06/12/2012 at 6:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous