FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, I had to tell the third guy that my mother set me up with that it wasn't him, it's me. Apparently my mother thinks if she sets me up with enough guys, I will "date the gay out". FML

by out of the closet / 04/25/2016 at 8:22pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I had a date with an amazing girl so in the shower I wanted to make sure I was extra clean. With the soaped up shower puff in hand I tried to get as much of my back as I could which led to me pushing too far and dislocating my shoulder. FML

by too eager / 04/25/2016 at 11:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, my family is flying to Hawaii for a longed-for holiday. Well, my husband and children are; I'm in a hospital bed awaiting surgery on kidney stones that I never knew I had. Hopefully they'll send me a postcard. FML

Today, a classmate at college accused me of stalking her. All because I walked past her house. I was walking to the supermarket. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2016 at 2:10am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out a colleague spread lies about me because she somehow thinks I'm to blame for the hot guy at work not wanting to date her. Perhaps she should blame his fiancé. FML

by yblamemebiatch / 03/16/2016 at 6:56am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my 17 year old daughter told me she was going to bake a cake. When she finished she offered me one and it was crunchy. I asked her why and she said the recipe said to put eggs in. She put them in whole. FML

by anonymous / 03/06/2016 at 12:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I confronted my husband about a pair of panties I found in his office. They're his. He put them on to show me that they fit. FML

by Xandriajoy10 / 01/30/2016 at 10:44pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I arrived at the kennels I work in to find the power disconnected and the water pump off. This meant I had to bucket water and carry it to keep over sixty assorted dogs and cats alive in temperatures over 90 degrees. The moment I finished, the power came back on. FML

by TooFlamingHot / 01/13/2016 at 9:08pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, at work a customer yelled at me, called me a 'fucking bitch', 'a fat whore', and, told me to lose weight because I wouldn't let her in the grocery store I work at to buy lettuce, after we'd closed. Lettuce for her lizard. FML

by midnightblade163 / 01/13/2016 at 7:06am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my boyfriend was so drunk at a New Years party that he approached me and asked me who I was. FML

by anon / 01/02/2016 at 10:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, while on a flight, I was walking back to my seat after going to the bathroom, when someone stuck their leg out, causing me to trip and fall flat on my face. All the guy could say was, "There's a thing called glasses. Fucking use them!" FML

Today, my boss thought it would be a great idea to delay paying me until after Christmas. There goes rent, bills, food and of course Christmas presents. FML

by JunkDex / 12/23/2015 at 2:45am / Australia (New South Wales) / Money

Today, I spent the only money I had left for lunch only to take two bites before a seagull snatched my burger from my hands. I had to shamefully start walking back to work with a pair of girls laughing at me and an empty stomach. FML

by shibs / 12/19/2015 at 9:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Animals