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FMLs submitted from New South Wales

Today, I took a late-night shower. When I got out afterwards, the bathroom door was ajar, and I could have sworn I heard the faint patter of footsteps in the kitchen. "It's probably the cat," I told myself. Then I went upstairs and saw my cat asleep on my bed. FML

#21320813
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22420) - you deserved it (1795)

On 12/20/2014 at 9:41am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't be able to cover his share of the rent because he didn't work during the week, saying business has been slow. I checked and found out he called in sick four times. He wanted to stay home and watch online gaming matches. FML

#21312891
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30252) - you deserved it (3366)

On 12/06/2014 at 11:52pm - misc - by he wasn't even playing - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend broke the bed pretending to be a caterpillar. FML

#21300031
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27483) - you deserved it (2961)

On 11/16/2014 at 4:44am - love - by tine - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was sick and had soccer trials on the same day. At the soccer trials, the coach called me over and told me I was doing really good and to keep it up. I said thanks and vomited on him. FML

#21293843
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32712) - you deserved it (2866)

On 11/07/2014 at 12:47am - health - by jj - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

#21292770
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36330) - you deserved it (2415)

On 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by spooked - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I overheard my son mutter to himself, "If Hitler could do it to that many people, so could I..." Anyone recommend a good psychiatrist? FML

#21290608
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32396) - you deserved it (2885)

On 11/02/2014 at 3:57pm - kids - by failure (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was pulled over and fined $100 for driving without a license, as I'd accidentally left home without my wallet. I later found my wallet wedged beside my car seat, where it had been the entire time. FML

#21288966
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31495) - you deserved it (5951)

On 10/31/2014 at 9:35am - money - by emptypockets - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I'm so out of shape, I started wheezing on my way to check my mailbox. Not my physical mailbox, either; my email inbox on the phone I'd left on the table at the bottom of the stairs. FML

#21285495
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22309) - you deserved it (21145)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:35am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

#21283412
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32196) - you deserved it (3441)

On 10/22/2014 at 9:33pm - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my insane roommate yelled at me for using the word "stupid" because apparently it is a slur against mentally disabled people. Later, she went on and on about this "queer" club she's attending to meet "queer" people to talk about "queer" issues. She's not gay. I am. FML

Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML

#21261625
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32417) - you deserved it (4867)

On 09/20/2014 at 2:54am - misc - by pasquale - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

#21260464
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49598) - you deserved it (4724)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML

#21252510
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38626) - you deserved it (5870)

On 09/05/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Perdito_Coño (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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