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Today, I called my mother to check up on her. Lately, she's been having some financial problems, so last week I sent her my last $100 to help her out until her next paycheck. She used the money to euthanize the family dog. FML
Today, I got a bird as a pet. I thought it would be funny to put it on my head and take a picture. When the flash went off the bird flew off my head and pooped at the same time. You could see it in the picture. FML
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML
Today, one of my good friends confided in me about the affair she is having with our boss. She'd been sleeping with him for 3 months and told me they were in love, but it had to be kept quiet due to our company's very strict anti-fraternization policy . I'd been secretly seeing him all year. FML
Today, while on my daily jog, I passed a very attractive girl. While passing her, she yelled "hey cutie". Trying to look cool, I tried turning around without stopping. I then fell off the curb and severely sprained my ankle. She caught up to help but was laughing the entire time. FML
Today, I learned to never blast classic rock with your convertible's top down while passing an SUV full of gangbanger wanna-bes. That is, of course, unless you want your immaculate, newly detailed leather seats to be decorated with pretty brown and white milkshake stains. FML