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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

#19325916
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14418) - you deserved it (8634)

On 03/22/2012 at 10:59am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

#19177249
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23247) - you deserved it (2597)

On 02/27/2012 at 7:37pm - misc - by Username (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

#19121562
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29494) - you deserved it (5841)

On 02/20/2012 at 9:23am - intimacy - by Gabi - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML

#19085409
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25918) - you deserved it (2882)

On 02/15/2012 at 12:50pm - health - by TerribleAddiction - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML

#19011410
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26146) - you deserved it (1822)

On 02/06/2012 at 4:43pm - health - by Marc - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time my cats haven't been going on it. It was a rat. FML

#19004076
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22759) - you deserved it (2134)

On 02/05/2012 at 8:13pm - animals - by rattrap (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and went jogging. After several minutes of pain, I pulled off one of the sneakers, only to find dozens of baby spiders had moved in. FML

#18824245
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33101) - you deserved it (10312)

On 01/16/2012 at 12:10pm - animals - by moorox45 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML

#18788903
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23733) - you deserved it (5450)

On 01/12/2012 at 8:20pm - misc - by xXMudkipNoobXx - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML

#18659966
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22678) - you deserved it (6643)

On 12/31/2011 at 1:21am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, with the cost of craft supplies that ended in a DIY fail, then a costume and overnight shipping, I have now spent $90 to obtain a $10 hat and vest for my daughter to play a cow in the school Christmas play. She will say "Moo" three times with 5 other cows before leaving the stage. FML

#18597076
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22580) - you deserved it (7021)

On 12/24/2011 at 9:38am - kids - by Broke Mama (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I lost a huge bet with my friends. I had to either post a sexual message on my mom's Facebook wall confessing my "love" for her, or be ratted out for cheating on a school test earlier in the year. Now I'm considered a freak by half my school, and am indefinitely grounded. FML

#18368736
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7284) - you deserved it (38822)

On 11/27/2011 at 6:16pm - misc - by honor sucks (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML

#18360025
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18266) - you deserved it (11822)

On 11/26/2011 at 8:51pm - health - by _Oblivion_ - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML

#18326234
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43144) - you deserved it (2623)

On 11/23/2011 at 12:03pm - love - by cheated - United States (New Jersey)



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