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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I decided to quit smoking. My wife conveniently decided on the same day that she was going to start smoking. FML

#19085409
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25895) - you deserved it (2882)

On 02/15/2012 at 12:50pm - health - by TerribleAddiction - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while I was standing in line at the store, some guy insulted the girl in front of me as he walked past. She turned around and socked me in the face. FML

#19011410
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25629) - you deserved it (1778)

On 02/06/2012 at 4:43pm - health - by Marc - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time my cats haven't been going on it. It was a rat. FML

#19004076
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22725) - you deserved it (2135)

On 02/05/2012 at 8:13pm - animals - by rattrap (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I put on a pair of sneakers that I'd left outside, and went jogging. After several minutes of pain, I pulled off one of the sneakers, only to find dozens of baby spiders had moved in. FML

#18824245
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33065) - you deserved it (10302)

On 01/16/2012 at 12:10pm - animals - by moorox45 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML

#18788903
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23714) - you deserved it (5445)

On 01/12/2012 at 8:20pm - misc - by xXMudkipNoobXx - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML

#18659966
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22655) - you deserved it (6642)

On 12/31/2011 at 1:21am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, with the cost of craft supplies that ended in a DIY fail, then a costume and overnight shipping, I have now spent $90 to obtain a $10 hat and vest for my daughter to play a cow in the school Christmas play. She will say "Moo" three times with 5 other cows before leaving the stage. FML

#18597076
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22550) - you deserved it (7017)

On 12/24/2011 at 9:38am - kids - by Broke Mama (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I lost a huge bet with my friends. I had to either post a sexual message on my mom's Facebook wall confessing my "love" for her, or be ratted out for cheating on a school test earlier in the year. Now I'm considered a freak by half my school, and am indefinitely grounded. FML

#18368736
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7280) - you deserved it (38807)

On 11/27/2011 at 6:16pm - misc - by honor sucks (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML

#18360025
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18244) - you deserved it (11813)

On 11/26/2011 at 8:51pm - health - by _Oblivion_ - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML

#18326234
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43108) - you deserved it (2619)

On 11/23/2011 at 12:03pm - love - by cheated - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

#18309912
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20799) - you deserved it (2263)

On 11/21/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by whyyy (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took my cat to the vet for an x-ray. They found three dollar coins in his stomach. The surgery to remove them is $600. FML

#18148198
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27458) - you deserved it (3849)

On 11/03/2011 at 4:06pm - money - by oneillrox - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

#18100630
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16939) - you deserved it (30852)

On 10/29/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by me - United States (New Jersey)



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