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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I was in a business meeting. I was giving a Powerpoint presentation to my boss and a few other associates. Then a notification popped up in the middle of my presentation reminding me that I needed to renew my pornhub subscription. FML

#19754220
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12746) - you deserved it (43103)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:58am - work - by WaffleMan (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

#19738484
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27456) - you deserved it (3071)

On 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by why... (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

#19724676
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5253) - you deserved it (42571)

On 06/03/2012 at 1:50am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML

#19719938
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23532) - you deserved it (4801)

On 06/02/2012 at 8:47am - misc - by lol112 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it was my last day at school before I graduate next week. Ten minutes into lunch break, I was brutally nailed in the neck by a football. Now, not only do I look like I was given a hickey by the Jolly Green Giant himself, I have to wear a neck brace at my graduation ceremony. FML

#19715623
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23236) - you deserved it (1639)

On 06/01/2012 at 2:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML

#19699245
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22082) - you deserved it (1757)

On 05/29/2012 at 2:43pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

#19642292
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27871) - you deserved it (2963)

On 05/18/2012 at 3:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

#19618681
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26246) - you deserved it (5000)

On 05/13/2012 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML

#19585555
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19617) - you deserved it (2558)

On 05/07/2012 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushed me in and then ran away, laughing hysterically. I was stuck in the mulch, and no one would help. I was literally in deep shit. FML

#19528720
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19392) - you deserved it (2220)

On 04/25/2012 at 7:08pm - misc - by horselover7766 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past month. The lady he has been seeing is a choreographer that was teaching him how to dance salsa for our wedding rehearsal. FML

#19509327
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29520) - you deserved it (2153)

On 04/22/2012 at 1:20am - love - by Gennifer - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while driving home, I realized I forgot my house key. Luckily, when I arrived home, someone had already broken into my house. Guess I didn't need the key. FML

#19486401
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21407) - you deserved it (1639)

On 04/17/2012 at 8:55pm - misc - by yuuupyup - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we need to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML

#19457923
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9751) - you deserved it (33234)

On 04/12/2012 at 9:02pm - misc - by marymark - United States (New Jersey)



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