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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I went out to get groceries and ice-cream. When I got home, I couldn't find my house keys. I retraced my steps, but with no luck, so I returned home and had to break in. While unpacking, I found my keys in the bag, right next to the completely melted ice cream. FML

#19886505
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16035) - you deserved it (8489)

On 07/03/2012 at 3:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML

#19884925
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8093) - you deserved it (40433)

On 07/03/2012 at 7:51am - misc - by ali (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I slammed my middle finger in a drawer. I screamed and my mom came running into the kitchen. She asked me what was wrong, so without thinking I stuck up my middle finger. She hasn't spoken to me since this morning. FML

#19848843
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24890) - you deserved it (5347)

On 06/26/2012 at 2:05am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the mall got evacuated while I was getting my hair colored. I am now standing outside of a crowded mall, wearing a showercap. FML

#19833601
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22068) - you deserved it (2575)

On 06/23/2012 at 11:11am - misc - by tylah - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sent a letter by the vet, saying my cat was late for her yearly checkup. My cat died last week and I'd had her cremated by the same people who had sent the letter. FML

#19815411
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27995) - you deserved it (2061)

On 06/19/2012 at 10:15pm - animals - by jnr1234 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in a business meeting. I was giving a Powerpoint presentation to my boss and a few other associates. Then a notification popped up in the middle of my presentation reminding me that I needed to renew my pornhub subscription. FML

#19754220
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12739) - you deserved it (43072)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:58am - work - by WaffleMan (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

#19738484
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27429) - you deserved it (3070)

On 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm - love - by why... (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

#19724676
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5251) - you deserved it (42522)

On 06/03/2012 at 1:50am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML

#19719938
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23514) - you deserved it (4801)

On 06/02/2012 at 8:47am - misc - by lol112 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it was my last day at school before I graduate next week. Ten minutes into lunch break, I was brutally nailed in the neck by a football. Now, not only do I look like I was given a hickey by the Jolly Green Giant himself, I have to wear a neck brace at my graduation ceremony. FML

#19715623
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23212) - you deserved it (1639)

On 06/01/2012 at 2:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML

#19699245
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22057) - you deserved it (1757)

On 05/29/2012 at 2:43pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

#19642292
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27844) - you deserved it (2962)

On 05/18/2012 at 3:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

#19618681
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26233) - you deserved it (4997)

On 05/13/2012 at 8:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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