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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

#20419854
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37504) - you deserved it (2472)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:20pm - misc - by Julie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a girl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy weirdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." FML

#20171594
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7086) - you deserved it (18786)

On 11/20/2012 at 9:37pm - misc - by Hover Hand (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

#20171204
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31052) - you deserved it (4635)

On 11/20/2012 at 4:57pm - health - by thinner than you (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized I'd put on my shirt on inside out, so I went to the bathroom stalls to fix it. As I was taking it off, I accidentally dropped it in the toilet. FML

#20169668
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27599) - you deserved it (5295)

On 11/19/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

#20164798
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27917) - you deserved it (2311)

On 11/15/2012 at 9:45pm - love - by Sexting Parents - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML

#20162265
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7086) - you deserved it (26334)

On 11/13/2012 at 8:03pm - misc - by scaredinnyc - United States (New Jersey)

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

#20132869
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21261) - you deserved it (2032)

On 10/25/2012 at 3:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was playing with my 2-year-old Siberian Husky, when she figured that since she couldn't get to my hand, she'd try to bite me in the genitals. She was successful. FML

#20129779
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18939) - you deserved it (2983)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:26pm - animals - by buccaneer - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

#20094526
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7162) - you deserved it (22602)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by oohrahgal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned that my 76 year old great aunt likes to swim naked, even when I have friends over. FML

#20051798
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20719) - you deserved it (1626)

On 09/01/2012 at 12:30am - misc - by MsConfusedd - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to see my orthodontist. He informed me that I have an underbite and I will probably need braces again. I just had them taken off last year, after five and a half years of oral hell. FML

#20044922
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21174) - you deserved it (1665)

On 08/27/2012 at 6:16pm - health - by Albert (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML

#20017341
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23027) - you deserved it (1918)

On 08/12/2012 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

#20003323
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28724) - you deserved it (6012)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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