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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I was playing with my 2-year-old Siberian Husky, when she figured that since she couldn't get to my hand, she'd try to bite me in the genitals. She was successful. FML

#20129779
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18815) - you deserved it (2970)

On 10/23/2012 at 12:26pm - animals - by buccaneer - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend graduated from boot camp. After the ceremony, I rushed over and tried to jump into his arms. This would have been romantic if he was expecting it. Instead, he fell over and we crashed onto the floor in front of everyone. FML

#20094526
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7133) - you deserved it (22517)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:51am - misc - by oohrahgal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned that my 76 year old great aunt likes to swim naked, even when I have friends over. FML

#20051798
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20632) - you deserved it (1617)

On 09/01/2012 at 12:30am - misc - by MsConfusedd - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to see my orthodontist. He informed me that I have an underbite and I will probably need braces again. I just had them taken off last year, after five and a half years of oral hell. FML

#20044922
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21053) - you deserved it (1658)

On 08/27/2012 at 6:16pm - health - by Albert (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML

#20017341
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22031) - you deserved it (1820)

On 08/12/2012 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

#20003323
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27453) - you deserved it (5842)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dog somehow managed to swallow a ring that my mother had bought me. Now I must carefully poke and search through each pile of dog crap I find in my yard for the next week. FML

#19971657
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17975) - you deserved it (2418)

On 07/21/2012 at 11:58pm - animals - by summerbabe77 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boss gave me a warning for "insulting our best customer" after she saw a comment on her customer card saying "stop giving this fat bitch free samples." My boss had written it in the first place, but refuses to either remember or admit it. FML

#19969861
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19346) - you deserved it (1343)

On 07/21/2012 at 6:49pm - work - by fuckdubstep51 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was having a really vivid dream in which I had to take a penalty kick to win the World Cup for the USA. I took the kick, but in reality, I smashed my foot against my bedroom wall and broke four of my toes. I also missed the kick in my dream. FML

#19959612
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25367) - you deserved it (2946)

On 07/19/2012 at 4:05pm - health - by owwwww - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was working as a character at an amusement park. I was walking with another character and we went over to a baby girl. She smiled and laughed at my co-worker. When she saw me, she started screaming and crying. FML

#19950603
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18062) - you deserved it (2538)

On 07/17/2012 at 3:47pm - kids - by ssydneyy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

#19945727
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21620) - you deserved it (2253)

On 07/16/2012 at 2:25pm - misc - by CantBlink - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my girlfriend's house and caught her digging for gold. She wasn't picking her nose - she was literally trying to dig for gold in her backyard. FML

#19926554
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22101) - you deserved it (2594)

On 07/12/2012 at 2:03am - love - by anidiotskeeper (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was going to stop drinking, since I have been having some problems with alcohol and some of my relatives are alcoholics. He later broke up with me, saying he couldn't be with someone who "chose to be boring." FML

#19917183
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27577) - you deserved it (2943)

On 07/09/2012 at 11:40pm - love - by sober (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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