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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, we had to re-live sex ed in my college biology class. Unlike in middle school, nobody giggled incessantly. However, the guy sitting next to me stared at me intensely for nearly the whole three hour lecture. FML

#20552364
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34276) - you deserved it (3079)

On 03/20/2013 at 3:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my recurring acne is actually bedbug bites. I have wasted about a hundred dollars on acne cream. FML

#20549483
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32326) - you deserved it (6884)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:30pm - health - by thisentiretime... - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I asked a traffic cop if it was okay to park my car briefly in a Monday to Friday only parking spot, since it's Saturday. She politely replied I could. I came back less than ten minutes later, only to find a parking ticket stuck to my windshield. FML

#20546325
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33148) - you deserved it (15450)

On 03/16/2013 at 4:04pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the guy in the dorm room next to me was playing very loud metal music. I went next door and kindly asked him to turn it off. He did, so I went back to my room to go back to sleep. It turns out he was using the music to drown out his girlfriend's very loud moans. FML

#20536784
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38491) - you deserved it (15722)

On 03/09/2013 at 8:35am - intimacy - by ShittyWalls (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at my mother's funeral, as everyone was around her casket for the viewing, my 5-year-old son in cluelessness of what was going on shouted, "Grandma is more fun when she isn't sleeping." Everyone cried. FML

#20521929
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41036) - you deserved it (3402)

On 02/25/2013 at 6:00pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, for the second time in two months, the person in the bathroom stall next to me commented on how loud I pee. This time, she made racehorse noises. I'm now too self-conscious to pee in public again. FML

#20503939
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25861) - you deserved it (2683)

On 02/12/2013 at 5:58pm - misc - by likearacehorse (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

#20493802
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25457) - you deserved it (8493)

On 02/04/2013 at 10:30pm - health - by facepalm - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I ran into a former co-worker who I hadn't seen in years. She was raving at how I hadn't aged a bit, but before I could thank her she said, "But, you know, chubby people age better." FML

#20492811
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26557) - you deserved it (3264)

On 02/04/2013 at 7:17am - work - by Colleen Nichols - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got home only to discover my dog was missing. After spending ages roaming the freezing streets calling his name, I returned to find him stuck behind the couch with my chewed-up new shoes in his muzzle. FML

#20447616
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26350) - you deserved it (5835)

On 01/08/2013 at 5:40am - animals - by Coldandshoeless (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

#20443434
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29197) - you deserved it (5067)

On 01/05/2013 at 4:21am - intimacy - by kblevss (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

#20442461
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18776) - you deserved it (6670)

On 01/04/2013 at 11:59am - kids - by Raela (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad has decided to that as a New Year's resolution, he's going to strive to wear pants less often. It's only been an hour and I can already tell it's going to be a long year. FML

#20435279
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26130) - you deserved it (1982)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:41am - misc - by why? - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

#20419854
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37447) - you deserved it (2471)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:20pm - misc - by Julie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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