FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

by Eyebrowless / 06/06/2015 at 12:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML

by sad and hungry / 06/06/2015 at 10:37am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I had to skip lunch to work on a big project, so I stopped by a vending machine. The number I wanted was 126, but I accidentally typed 124, using my last dollar. 124 was the only empty row. FML

by broke and hungry / 05/30/2015 at 2:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, my mom cleaned out my bank account, saying my "no-good dad" owes her child support and that she'll get it one way or another. FML

by that was mine / 05/15/2015 at 6:26pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

by Muralove / 05/13/2015 at 10:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Geek

Today, I had a plan. I was going to get up early, eat a well balanced breakfast, put on my workout clothes and enjoy this beautiful day with a fulfilling jog. Instead, I put on my workout clothes, spent hours on social media, ate a pizza and ended up falling asleep on my coach. FML

by NevertheKool / 05/07/2015 at 5:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, my girlfriend and I somehow got into the conversation of what the weirdest thing we have ever found in food was. She said she found paper in her fortune cookie; she was serious. FML

by Random737193 / 05/07/2015 at 3:52pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, while riding the subway a homeless man got on asking for money. I went to give him a dollar but he refused because I was "of the Asian persuasion." FML

by Malíya / 05/04/2015 at 5:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2015 at 1:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me he traded nude pictures I sent him for a costume piece in an internet game. He told me I should be okay with this, because, "It's a rare piece." FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2015 at 9:16am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I asked my classmate to look over my essay. His comments were longer than the essay itself. FML

by englishornah / 04/22/2015 at 10:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to class to take an important final for which I studied all week long and worked hard in class. Today, the teacher also told us that anyone who had an A did not have to take the final. I missed out on a trip to the Bahamas for this. FML

by callalilley / 04/10/2015 at 12:42pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, three of my dipshit coworkers kept whining all day about Zayn Malik leaving One Direction, how devastating it is, and what it means for their future. As a pacifist, I've never had to struggle so hard to not beat the piss out of people and hurl their broken remains out a window. FML

by Anonymous / 03/25/2015 at 3:00pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work