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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I responded to an emergency call for an intoxicated 83-year-old man with chest pains. As I leaned forward to check his lung sounds, he groped my chest and said, "Nice rack". I just wanted to see if he had difficulty breathing. I don't even get paid for this, I'm a volunteer for the town. FML

#21353037
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32893) - you deserved it (2713)

On 02/09/2015 at 10:15pm - work - by EMTGirl'sLife - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

#21352091
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36394) - you deserved it (2889)

On 02/08/2015 at 1:28pm - misc - by sorry :/ - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, then we went out shopping, had a picnic, watched a good romcom, had a fancy dinner, and ended the day with great sex. And when the clock struck twelve, he dumped me. FML

#21351571
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46460) - you deserved it (3257)

On 02/07/2015 at 4:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Turns out his dad is the asshole customer that I complain about all the time. He recognized me too and spent the entire dinner making passive-aggressive remarks about how bad of an employee I am. FML

#21345967
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31623) - you deserved it (2767)

On 01/29/2015 at 12:39am - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I told my dog to give me the stick he had in his mouth so I could throw it for him. After I picked it up I realized it was a dried-out piece of shit. FML

#21338477
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23467) - you deserved it (12948)

On 01/16/2015 at 7:37pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML

#21334513
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30930) - you deserved it (3235)

On 01/10/2015 at 2:22pm - misc - by gotta_respond (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I left the supermarket, I found someone had hit my car in the parking lot. There was a note tucked under the wipers. Insurance details? Nope. It just said "Sorry dude. I fucked up. Good luck with the car." Great. FML

#21330094
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32436) - you deserved it (2162)

On 01/03/2015 at 4:16pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my sister is having a New Year's Eve party at our house. I'm not invited. FML

#21327508
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31117) - you deserved it (2956)

On 12/30/2014 at 11:29pm - misc - by Excalibur6669 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my parents refused to give my daughter her Christmas presents as an act of revenge against her father. FML

#21323347
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31651) - you deserved it (2454)

On 12/24/2014 at 3:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I set a trap to catch a mouse that ran across my foot. Not only did the trap shut on my finger twice, but I watched the mouse run over the trap without it snapping shut. I guess I have a new roommate. FML

#21322900
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29277) - you deserved it (4440)

On 12/23/2014 at 8:48pm - animals - by AquaKelly - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got 3 different rejection letters mailed to me from the same college. FML

#21320043
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35151) - you deserved it (2980)

On 12/18/2014 at 11:04pm - misc - by ai_lauren (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML



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