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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, the fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. FML

#181468
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100475) - you deserved it (4355)

On 03/02/2009 at 8:38am - work - by fittingroompotty (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML

#171291
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20527) - you deserved it (52334)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:00pm - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

#161990
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55960) - you deserved it (17654)

On 02/28/2009 at 3:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

#160435
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27757) - you deserved it (96132)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

#148827
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (111414) - you deserved it (11752)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend across the street. I was walking with a girl whom I'd been hooking up with and wanted to make my ex-girlfriend jealous. I kissed her and she immediately smacked me. I got a "ha-ha" text message from my ex. FML

#142749
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16334) - you deserved it (90228)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

#141258
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36407) - you deserved it (8472)

On 02/26/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by MadameM (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my parents gave me a shirt from Banana Republic for my birthday. It looked like one I had bought for myself a couple of days earlier but I thanked them and went to hang it in my closet. An empty hanger hung where I placed the shirt I had purchased. They gave me my shirt for my birthday. FML

#127425
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (106079) - you deserved it (4798)

On 02/24/2009 at 9:20pm - misc - by Rich (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I sent out a note to 300 friends saying that I'm having a birthday party in a couple weeks. I asked to please write back if they are interested in going . . . two people answered...They said they can't make it. FML

#126838
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46070) - you deserved it (4142)

On 02/24/2009 at 8:34pm - misc - by mylifeisfcked (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I walked into work after being completly wasted last night. I was sitting in a meeting when all of a sudden the presenter had gotten an e-mail saying "crazy girl dances on tables at local bar". So obviously everyone wanted to watch it. That crazy girl was me. FML

#123321
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13136) - you deserved it (44752)

On 02/24/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by lifesucks (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

#115181
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67146) - you deserved it (4523)

On 02/23/2009 at 5:02pm - intimacy - by unlucky_vee_13 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

#108815
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84592) - you deserved it (5644)

On 02/22/2009 at 10:04pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

#96443
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45367) - you deserved it (11925)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by goddamitme (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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