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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, My girlfriend came from behind me and put her hand in my back pockets. I though it was someone trying to take my wallet, I elbowed her in the nose and broke it. FML

#96443
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43999) - you deserved it (11573)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:23pm - love - by goddamitme (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I handed in an assignment in health class that had to calculate my BMI. Embarassed by my weight I put it 15 pounds less. I got the assignment back and lost credit for something. Circled in red pen on the top was you must put your "EXACT" weight. FML

#92098
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38147) - you deserved it (16168)

On 02/20/2009 at 9:49pm - work - by ohh jeez. - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I called my girlfriend and she answered telling me how amazing the sex was last night and she can't wait to see me later. I didn't see her last night. FML

#90751
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92779) - you deserved it (4333)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - intimacy - by screewit (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML

#79769
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57999) - you deserved it (3024)

On 02/19/2009 at 4:52pm - love - by killmenow (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was marked absent from my math class because nobody in my class noticed I was there. FML

#77123
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50195) - you deserved it (5098)

On 02/19/2009 at 10:48am - misc - by Invisible (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my father came back from a business trip in Canada. He handed me an "I Love Canada" pen. He brought back an xbox 360 for my younger brother. FML

#70401
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62749) - you deserved it (2971)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:59pm - misc - by lalalee (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally gave the guy I was with for over a year a blowjob. Right after he tells me "I don't want a girlfriend but I want you to be my best friend." FML

#55027
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56399) - you deserved it (9306)

On 02/16/2009 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by LALALA3 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry..." FML

#41470
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25445) - you deserved it (3660)

On 02/14/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

#21964
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37300) - you deserved it (3054)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:41pm - misc - by herpderp (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guys name. FML

#5350
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15191) - you deserved it (63091)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:29am - intimacy - by Randy Savage (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to a car show. I told him to hold on, I had to ask my mom. I quietly asked her to say no for me. She said "Sure!". FML

#4294
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7320) - you deserved it (30861)

On 01/31/2009 at 6:25pm - love - by oicwydt - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my grandmother who has Alzheimer's and can't usually remember my name, had a sudden moment of clarity and asked me why I'm still not married yet. FML

#3070
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24357) - you deserved it (1775)

On 01/28/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by calikola - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad learned how to use the parental controls. I now have an 11 o'clock curfew. I am 17. FML

#2670
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17758) - you deserved it (5660)

On 01/26/2009 at 12:38pm - misc - by dangyo - United States (New Jersey)



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