Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

#2478
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20271) - you deserved it (7397)

On 01/24/2009 at 7:27pm - kids - by thatsjustgreat - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

#2349
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24103) - you deserved it (7843)

On 01/23/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by Sleep Walking - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a girl invited me over to her dorm room at 3 AM. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to respond to e-mails just before. She said she was tired and then went to bed. I'm a F*ing idiot. FML

#2212
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4357) - you deserved it (38507)

On 01/22/2009 at 3:34pm - love - by Princeton - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I figured I'd throw my ex-boyfriend a compliment and told him how "gifted" he was below the belt. He thinks he's paying me a compliment when he tells me how much he loves that little roll of skin that pops up over the top of my pants when I sit down. I'm trying to lose weight, asshole. FML

#1700
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18882) - you deserved it (6540)

On 01/19/2009 at 4:21am - love - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to get a scratch off lottery ticket, and the dude in front of me got the same one I was going to get. He won 500 dollars. I got 2 bucks. FML

#1615
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17639) - you deserved it (2108)

On 01/18/2009 at 2:12pm - misc - by steveinnewsoh - United States (New Jersey)

Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1pm, smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4am, jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML

#1487
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9191) - you deserved it (34786)

On 01/17/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by none - United States (New Jersey)

Today, me and my friend are sitting here on fmylife.com while our boyfriends are out clubbing. FML

#1483
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9882) - you deserved it (19119)

On 01/17/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by ishweta56 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, all I wanted was stress-relief sex with the guy I sleep with. Instead, I was so exhausted from my day that he thought I wasn't into it and ended up just talking to me about what we're going to do after college. Trading a booty call for a meaningful and heartfelt discussion. FML

#1468
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8456) - you deserved it (32807)

On 01/17/2009 at 3:40pm - intimacy - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boss reeks of mothballs. We share a cubicle. FML

#1339
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14253) - you deserved it (1466)

On 01/16/2009 at 7:19am - work - by misc - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I'm flying out of the country in a few hours. A plane from the same airline just crashed into the Hudson River and is now floating in it. FML

#1219
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16238) - you deserved it (1836)

On 01/15/2009 at 10:05am - misc - by Tom - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my coworker told me that the framed picture our boss put on her desk last week was not, as I originally thought, a picture of her father, but a picture of Rupert Murdoch. FML

#999
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9997) - you deserved it (2500)

On 01/12/2009 at 11:03am - work - by newscorp employee - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went out to lunch with two friends from high school. We saw a girl that we graduated with at the restaurant. The girl gave both of them hugs and introduced herself to me. FML

#748
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19343) - you deserved it (1657)

On 01/07/2009 at 10:42am - misc - by bex - United States (New Jersey)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: