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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I bought some flowers. As I was checking out, the cashier asked, "Aww, these for your mom? How sweet." I responded they were for a girl I liked. She laughed and said, "Sorry..." FML

#41470
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25324) - you deserved it (3648)

On 02/14/2009 at 11:48am - misc - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML

#21964
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37156) - you deserved it (3050)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:41pm - misc - by herpderp (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could have an amazing threesome. As a horny dude how could I say no? Turns out Alex is also a guys name. FML

#5350
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14684) - you deserved it (61835)

On 02/02/2009 at 11:29am - intimacy - by Randy Savage (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to go to a car show. I told him to hold on, I had to ask my mom. I quietly asked her to say no for me. She said "Sure!". FML

#4294
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7275) - you deserved it (30702)

On 01/31/2009 at 6:25pm - love - by oicwydt - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my grandmother who has Alzheimer's and can't usually remember my name, had a sudden moment of clarity and asked me why I'm still not married yet. FML

#3070
13 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24215) - you deserved it (1770)

On 01/28/2009 at 12:25pm - misc - by calikola - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad learned how to use the parental controls. I now have an 11 o'clock curfew. I am 17. FML

#2670
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17638) - you deserved it (5636)

On 01/26/2009 at 12:38pm - misc - by dangyo - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was trying to be-friend a boy who was sitting alone. He had his gameboy nearly plastered to his eyes. I, cleverly, say to him, "Geeze don't put that thing so close, your eyes will fall out!" He took off his sunglasses, eyes going crooked, and said, "I'm legally blind." Insert foot here. FML

#2478
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22605) - you deserved it (7865)

On 01/24/2009 at 7:27pm - kids - by thatsjustgreat - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that after drunkenly falling asleep at a guy's house, I not only slept-walked in his house, but I went upstairs into his parents room. And used their bathroom. I don't remember any of this, but his mom does. FML

#2349
9 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25162) - you deserved it (8019)

On 01/23/2009 at 1:51pm - intimacy - by Sleep Walking - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a girl invited me over to her dorm room at 3 AM. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to respond to e-mails just before. She said she was tired and then went to bed. I'm a F*ing idiot. FML

#2212
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4744) - you deserved it (40152)

On 01/22/2009 at 3:34pm - love - by Princeton - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I figured I'd throw my ex-boyfriend a compliment and told him how "gifted" he was below the belt. He thinks he's paying me a compliment when he tells me how much he loves that little roll of skin that pops up over the top of my pants when I sit down. I'm trying to lose weight, asshole. FML

#1700
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19879) - you deserved it (6775)

On 01/19/2009 at 4:21am - love - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to get a scratch off lottery ticket, and the dude in front of me got the same one I was going to get. He won 500 dollars. I got 2 bucks. FML

#1615
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18808) - you deserved it (2238)

On 01/18/2009 at 2:12pm - misc - by steveinnewsoh - United States (New Jersey)

Today, was just like almost every for the past few months; I slept till 1pm, smoked cigarettes, jerked off, went to the store to get coffee, smoked more cigarettes, and sat in my room alone until 4am, jerking off and smoking cigarettes. FML

#1487
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10269) - you deserved it (38408)

On 01/17/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by none - United States (New Jersey)

Today, me and my friend are sitting here on fmylife.com while our boyfriends are out clubbing. FML

#1483
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11045) - you deserved it (21280)

On 01/17/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by ishweta56 - United States (New Jersey)



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