FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML

by spitballer1 / 07/06/2009 at 12:54pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I went over to get some ice cream. I found a rare parking spot in front of the store, and even had change in my pocket. After feeding the meter, A lady comes up to me and tells me that the meter was free after 8 o'clock. I paid 50 cents for it. I was 50 cents short for my ice cream. FML

by icecreamer / 07/06/2009 at 12:03am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I got a job selling knives. I had training for 11 hours. At the end of the training session, the instructor promptly informed everyone that they had to pay $145 for a set of demo knives. I paid the $145. I went home and learned that it was a scam. I went back for a refund. They said no. FML

by Regina / 07/03/2009 at 2:19am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I was home alone in the shower when in the opening of the curtain, I could see a man in a ski mask. I passed out, hit my head on the tub. I then found out it was my dad pulling a prank on me. I almost died cause my dad wanted to see me scream like a girl. FML

by dfan13 / 07/01/2009 at 12:31pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a facebook relationship request from my crush of 2 and a half years. I was so excited until he posted on my wall, "Sorry wrong Catherine". FML

by wowzersthatsucks / 06/29/2009 at 1:31pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, was my first day back at work since my wife got breast cancer. I come in and see some people with pink slips and frowns. When I get to my desk I find a pink slip, I go up to my boss and start to curse him out for firing me. Only to find out my pink slip was a fundraiser for my wife. FML

by YahItsMe94 / 06/25/2009 at 3:20am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one last thrill. So I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out, when I asked why, he points behind me, my mom watched the whole thing. FML

by wastedlove / 06/23/2009 at 11:14am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I was in the grocery store getting bananas and there was this real hot guy next to me. He said, "Hey beautiful" so I smiled. He then asked if I was free on Friday night. I smiled and said, "Yes, why do you ask?" He looked up from the bananas and pointed to the bluetooth in his ear. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2009 at 3:50pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my husband and I were having sex in the shower while our 5-year old was sleeping. Apparently, she wasn't sleeping and she asked me what those loud noises were. I told her I was singing. Now I can't get her to stop "singing" in the shower. FML

by Anonymous / 06/20/2009 at 12:06pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

by Slash / 06/16/2009 at 12:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I rode my bike to work. While biking on the road, I gave a hand signal for turning left. A car passing the opposite way veered towards me and attempted to give me a high five. I now have cuts all over my body and my bike is in two pieces. FML

by Shaun / 06/15/2009 at 10:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, while I was working in the liquor store, I was trying to impress my hot boss by lifting three cases of Grey goose. Turns out I can't, and I'll be working for the next two months of the rest of my summer paying it all back. FML

by damgoose / 06/15/2009 at 12:13am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML

by Rainman / 06/14/2009 at 4:39pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous