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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I was sitting on my 70 year old grandmothers bed with my older brother. I decided to snoop through the cabinet at the back of her bed, and I pulled out what I naively thought was a strange looking flashlight. When I twisted the bottom of it to see what would happen it started vibrating. FML

#232314
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22509) - you deserved it (64860)

On 03/07/2009 at 2:35am - intimacy - by You Wish (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML

#229986
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71140) - you deserved it (6907)

On 03/06/2009 at 9:55pm - love - by promdump (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went for a job interview on my birthday. I had on a shirt and a tie on and I had my Blackberry in my pocket. I was running a little late, so I dashed outside. When I came out of the door, a bunch of my buddies screamed HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and poured Gatorade all over me. FML

#227236
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52426) - you deserved it (3190)

On 03/06/2009 at 4:24pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in the gym, when i noticed three trainers who worked there staring at me. Thinking that they were checking me out, i turned the speed on the tread mill higher. Finally one of the trainers came over, and asked me to leave until i got a sports bra that actually worked. FML

#209594
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22425) - you deserved it (42629)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by girlie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

#197066
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (142563) - you deserved it (16141)

On 03/03/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by eaa145 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad woke me up at 6 told me to take a shower and drove me to school only to say "just kidding, happy snowday!" FML

#183630
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84005) - you deserved it (12325)

On 03/02/2009 at 2:01pm - misc - by EPICfml. (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was meeting friends for dinner at an Indian restaurant. I was waiting for the group to arrive and our table to be ready. An Indian man approached me smiling, so I said "We're not ready for our table yet". Then I realized it was my friend's boyfriend who I've met several times. FML

#181594
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8744) - you deserved it (61701)

On 03/02/2009 at 9:22am - misc - by neelloc83 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. FML

#181468
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99931) - you deserved it (4335)

On 03/02/2009 at 8:38am - work - by fittingroompotty (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I typed an essay on my friend's computer, so she forwarded it to me in a email and she made the subject "here bitch" as a joke. I then went to email the essay to my teacher. I forwarded it thinking nothing of it only to realize that I didn't change the subject name. FML

#171291
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19658) - you deserved it (51022)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:00pm - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

#161990
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55723) - you deserved it (17618)

On 02/28/2009 at 3:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML

#160435
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27654) - you deserved it (95755)

On 02/28/2009 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by textfail (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML

#148827
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (110986) - you deserved it (11700)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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