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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, my brother and I were standing at the baggage claim, waiting for our luggage to come out. We were commenting on all the bags that appeared, and when two large hiking packs came out I exclaimed "What kind of cunts go backpacking in New York?" The old couple standing next to us, apparently. FML

#2203272
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7432) - you deserved it (81684)

On 05/23/2009 at 2:20am - misc - by beavis - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got pulled over for speeding and got a $200 ticket. After I pulled away, I decided to warn the next car about the cop up ahead by flashing my headlights. The next car was another cop. He didn't appreciate my "help". FML

#2105254
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38022) - you deserved it (23725)

On 05/20/2009 at 2:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, in my art class we had to paint a nude portrait of a fat, old woman. About halfway through the piece, and while painting her fat rolls, I realized she was the only person other than myself I had ever seen naked. FML

#1961143
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40671) - you deserved it (7342)

On 05/15/2009 at 11:14am - misc - by artclasstrauma (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to a store to buy pants for a new job. A really hot guy helped me get a pair down from a high shelf so I could try them on. He had flirted with me so I hurried in the fitting room so I could go talk to him. Note to self: Check to see if you have pants on after trying on clothes. FML

#1953704
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11662) - you deserved it (51101)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:32am - misc - by sweet92 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML

#1900118
332 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18632) - you deserved it (129044)

On 05/13/2009 at 11:35am - love - by your_mother - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided I didn't care about my pride, and so I asked this girl out in a text. After an hour of no response I asked again. Later I got a text saying, "I'm sorry, This is Emily's mom. Emily isn't here at the moment, but if I were you, I wouldn't ask again." I was rejected by her mom. FML

#1858879
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51018) - you deserved it (15683)

On 05/11/2009 at 9:25pm - love - by ConnorFails (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom told me to follow her car closely to my aunt's house. I kept really close to her which caused me to get pulled over for tailgating. I explained everything to the cop so he went over to my mom to see if that was the truth. My mom said she didn't know me. I got a ticket. Thanks mom. FML

#1828109
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74949) - you deserved it (5002)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by newdriver (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to go visit my beloved husband in the hospital. As I went past the nurses station, I heard them talking about the "bastard in Room 303." I went on to visit my husband in room 303. FML

#1801760
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47648) - you deserved it (4944)

On 05/10/2009 at 1:38am - health - by LadyLuck (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML

#1773793
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50737) - you deserved it (4800)

On 05/09/2009 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML

#1706797
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72029) - you deserved it (8110)

On 05/06/2009 at 11:47pm - kids - by fmal (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I walked outside to get the newspaper and slipped on the icy driveway. Because I was wearing boxers and a robe, my legs got all scraped up. After much cursing, I got the paper and went inside. The headline read "Caution: Icy Conditions". FML

#1665462
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48437) - you deserved it (8591)

On 05/05/2009 at 4:39pm - misc - by qwerty (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

#1639101
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19851) - you deserved it (61438)

On 05/04/2009 at 7:27pm - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML

#1634783
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47407) - you deserved it (16178)

On 05/04/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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