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Today My Girlfriend Left Her Phone On A Bus. With No Way To Pick It Up, I Drove 40 Miles Through Friday Night Boston Traffic To Get It From The Bus Company Office. It Took Me Four Hours. Bord In Traffic, I Discoverd The Texts From Her Other Boyfriend.
Today... I Finally Got Some Sleep After An Exterminator Came Yesterday And Took Care Of Our Roach Problem. I Woke Up And Kissed My Boyfriend Good Morning. Frowning... He Told Me I Had Something Stuck On The Corner Of My Mouth. It Was A Roach Leg. Where Is The Rest Of The Roach? FML
Taday mah mom scooped the litter box right before I went to work !! I brown bagged mah lunch this morning !! She brown bagged the poop from the litter box !! Both were on the counter !! Guess which one I brought to work? FML
today I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML
Today , I was working as a lifeguard. A woman began to have a siezure. Nervous , I went into shock an walked into a tree , knocking myself out. Post siezure , the woman stood up an walked away. Later , I woke up in the hospital. The ambulance had arrived to take her , but ended up taking me instead. FML
Today, ma two year old cousin was aving a temper tantrum. I decided to give im a flasligt because playing wit it usually distracts im. It didn't. Instead, e it me in te face wit it as ard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML
Today, I was volunteering at the hospital . This lady was calling the Nurses' Station, and I had to go see wat she wanted . When I asked her wat she needed, she mumbled something . As I leaned in closer to hear wat she was saying, she threw up all over my face . Apparently, she was nauseous . fat FML
Today, I was sitting using mah laptop, I was also eating a bag of starbursts. They bag slid off the bed, I went to catch them and in the process mah knee hit mah laptop which flew off the bed onto the wooden floor, and shattered. I broke mah $2,500 laptop to save 11 starbursts from falling. FML
Taday I was sitting at my computer , listening and singing along to some music. I started singing louder , thinking that I was pretty good. Just then , my mom comes barging through the door in a frenzy saying , "Are u all right? Are u hurt?" FML
Today, I had to return a shrt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shrt an receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, an whipped cream. FML
Friday 27 March 2015