FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

by mushroommouth / 10/01/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, while wearing my Navy Dress White Uniform, I decided to stop and help this attractive girl who was not feeling well. Without warning, she blew chunks all over my "Whites". I have a uniform inspection later this afternoon. FML

by mnavy / 09/28/2009 at 12:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, waiting for the bus, this creepy guy in the terminal kept staring at me. Feeling creeped out, I started walking, knowing I could pick up the bus down the street. When the bus drove up, it was almost completely full and the only open seat was next to the creepy dude from the bus station. FML

by WhyMe / 09/25/2009 at 11:54pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

by Needasafe1234 / 09/25/2009 at 11:24am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, while brushing my teeth my 5 year old son walks into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I have been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML

by bigdaddy / 09/25/2009 at 11:01am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, while on my first day off in 2 years, I decided to play online poker. I won over $3,000. While filling out my information to get the money the power went out. FML

by shouldagone2work / 09/24/2009 at 5:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, my dad threw up on my dress. My wedding dress. While he was walking me down the aisle. FML

by poorgirl / 09/23/2009 at 5:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like to a skating rink. On the ride home she put her arm around me. Her armpits stank and I smelt them the whole hour and a half drive. FML

by sensativenose / 09/19/2009 at 2:35am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my 7 year old daughter decided to use my laptop without my permission. She accidentally got SpaghettiOs on the screen, then used the hard side of a sponge, filled with soapy water, to scrub both the keyboard and screen of my laptop to clean it off so Mommy wouldn't know. FML

by Sadmom / 09/17/2009 at 7:58pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, somebody broke in to my house and stole my laptop, which had years worth of family photos on it. Where was I when it was stolen? At Staples, buying supplies that included CDs to finally back up my pictures. FML

by fobfan14 / 09/16/2009 at 6:37am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, at my cashier job, I got written up for accepting obviously photocopied coupons. Last week, I got written up for "inadequate customer service" because I refused to accept the same bogus coupons from the same customer. FML

by bonedregardless / 09/15/2009 at 7:39pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I hired a private investigator to find out if my wife of 15 years is cheating on me with my brother. I don't know what's worse, that she is cheating on me, or that instead of cheating with my brother she's cheating with my brother's wife. FML

by nick2.0 / 09/09/2009 at 5:20pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

by ilovefootball / 09/07/2009 at 3:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous