FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I found out that my dad recently created a Facebook account for himself. So I friended him. He refuses to accept my friend request. He did, however, accept my sister's. FML

by msmusiclover7 / 02/27/2010 at 10:58am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the park with my friend and we decided to swing. While we were swinging, we decided to jump off backwards. All would have worked out fine if my pants hadn't gotten caught on the metal of the swing, leaving my bare butt exposed. The man who was in the park with his daughter left. FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2010 at 10:01pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

by sacked / 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was in school and spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her I broke her nose. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2010 at 3:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I bundled up to shovel my car out of almost 2 feet of snow, only to find my car was gone. I ran into the nearby police station to report my stolen car. The policeman trudged down with me to get a report. I had parked my car on the other side of the street. FML

by snowbunny / 02/11/2010 at 9:14pm / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I was going out to my car with my sister's birthday present. I slipped on some ice and the present fell to the ground. I spent an hour wrapping it. I could hear the present break. I had gotten her $200 wine glasses. I then had to run to the nearest store and get her a CD instead. FML

by GymnasticsQueen / 02/07/2010 at 7:35pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

by Bruja5 / 02/07/2010 at 12:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

by Kylie / 01/26/2010 at 11:13am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I went to my step-sister's for family dinner. Her husband was really drunk and openly hit on me in front of most of my family. I nonchalantly ignored his advances. Later, my step-mom said it would not have happened if I didn't dress like a skank. FML

by irishbabycakes / 01/25/2010 at 5:27am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I weighed myself. When I was fifteen, my mom yelled at me, saying that I was going to end up being 200 pounds by the time I was forty. Well, mom, you're wrong. At this rate I'll be 200 pounds by the time I'm twenty. FML

by notaguidette / 01/23/2010 at 2:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

by scubai / 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I got home from a family trip to Disney World. I had taken nearly 300 photos of our trip on my new digital camera. As our car pulled into the driveway, I was using my camera to try to delete one unflattering shot of me. I accidentally deleted every picture off the memory card. FML

by PictureLess / 01/10/2010 at 12:14pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML

by WorkSexMonkey / 01/04/2010 at 2:20pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money