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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

#3821134
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6486) - you deserved it (77257)

On 07/17/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to put a pretzel on my forehead while I was sleeping on the beach. I now have a pretzel-shaped tan line in the middle of my head. FML

#3816010
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40168) - you deserved it (8435)

On 07/16/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by joe1234 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a big party that left my house really messy. I spent hours cleaning the house until it was spotless. When my parents got home, my dad said "Did you have fun at the party?" and I said, "How'd you know?" and he replied "You hate cleaning and the house was filthy when we left". FML

#3777145
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9609) - you deserved it (45524)

On 07/15/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by far23 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at a party at the house of the guy I really like. We were talking when he pulled me into his room. I was excited he was finally taking our friendship to the next level, until he handed me a stick of deodorant, saying "I didn't wanna tell you in the hallway, but you really need this." FML

#3698192
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35160) - you deserved it (14756)

On 07/12/2009 at 8:41pm - love - by Dee (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to go through the embarrassment and pain of telling my parents I was pregnant. I took the test and it came out positive and I was freaking out. I got grounded for the rest of the year and they're really disappointed in me. Five minutes ago, I got my period. FML

#3676962
367 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46244) - you deserved it (20572)

On 07/11/2009 at 9:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was trying to clean the belt of my register at work at a grocery store. I noticed two strips of rubber stuck in the corner of the belt, and after pulling on them periodically all morning one finally came loose. It was a foot. I had been pulling at a dead rat trapped in the belt. FML

#3675667
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38789) - you deserved it (2028)

On 07/11/2009 at 8:33pm - work - by cashier (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend and I decided to get bikini waxes. Afterwards, the women who did the waxing told my friend it was $30 for her wax. Then, in front of the whole salon, the women points at me and says, "You! You so hairy- $35!". FML

#3669971
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53115) - you deserved it (8191)

On 07/11/2009 at 4:11pm - health - by waxinghorror (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I worked up the courage to ask my crush out for coffee after work. She agreed and I confidently said "Alright, it's a date!" She replied, "Haha a date with you? I'm just going for the free coffee!" FML

#3650677
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44123) - you deserved it (2881)

On 07/10/2009 at 9:08pm - love - by negromancer - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend of a month had to leave early. I asked him why and he replied that his brother was getting off the bus and he needed to feed him. I had never met his brother, and I said "He can't feed himself? What is he, retarded?" He is. FML

#3620839
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8606) - you deserved it (81191)

On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got excited when my cell phone lit up because I hadn't received a single phone call all day. Turns out it was the "low battery" indicator. FML

#3601227
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38215) - you deserved it (9954)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by WaitingByThePhone (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I accidentally dropped my birth control pill on the floor and my dog ate it. The good news is, I startled her and she spit it right out. The bad news is, I still had to take it after it had been in my dog's mouth. FML

#3559417
233 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33014) - you deserved it (13768)

On 07/07/2009 at 5:29pm - animals - by ssnickel - United States (New Jersey)

Today, being on my boyfriend's street bike for ten minutes gave me an orgasm. My boyfriend of three years, who constantly tries so hard to get me to, has never given me an orgasm. FML

#3528123
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49258) - you deserved it (6170)

On 07/06/2009 at 3:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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