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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML

#6040097
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10848) - you deserved it (79823)

On 10/28/2009 at 2:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took my SUV in to get the oil changed, and the tires rotated. They allowed me to stay there, because they said it would only take 30 minutes. So I sit there in the waiting room, and I look through the window only to see my SUV falling off the lift, from 6 feet in the air. FML

#5955896
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38988) - you deserved it (3231)

On 10/23/2009 at 6:09am - misc - by effmylife (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sitting in my bed drinking Yoohoo from a juice box. I decided it would be fun to see how much I could fit in my mouth. As soon as my mouth was full, I sneezed. FML

#5948720
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8537) - you deserved it (36141)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while working as a cashier, I was flirting with this cute girl. When I asked her if she had her store card she said "No", paused, then said "Can I give you my number?". I said "Sure, that would be awesome, do you want mine?". She said no. I didn't know I could just enter the card number. FML

#5929779
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10093) - you deserved it (32005)

On 10/21/2009 at 3:53pm - love - by fyourlife (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was out and was having a wonderful time. At exactly midnight, I get a call from my father. He's divorcing my mother. He's also going to Florida with his mistress for the weekend. If that wasn't the best news ever, he'd love if I found an apartment to live in ASAP. FML

#5862276
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27930) - you deserved it (1702)

On 10/17/2009 at 3:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

#5840446
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23644) - you deserved it (3666)

On 10/15/2009 at 8:33am - work - by Blanerd (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I finally had time to talk with my boyfriend. We had a nice long conversation, which included him telling me how much I meant to him and that we really need to see each other more often. He concluded the speech twenty minutes later with "Which is why I really hope we can stay friends". FML

#5774015
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32290) - you deserved it (2721)

On 10/11/2009 at 10:53am - love - by Oh_Well (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and curses at people who talk on their cell while driving. I asked him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's being a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continued talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML

#5719092
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36519) - you deserved it (3286)

On 10/08/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by Irony (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML

#5697763
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46972) - you deserved it (10492)

On 10/07/2009 at 3:05am - work - by screwed (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I poured my heart out into what had to be my greatest set of lyrics for my band ever, at the same time my teacher was explaining chemical changes to the class. At the end of the lecture he picked up my paper, and set it on fire to demonstrate a chemical change. FML

#5686873
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34443) - you deserved it (30361)

On 10/06/2009 at 6:23pm - misc - by 3LLI0TT (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in a video chat with an old friend who I haven't talked to in years, and my mom walks in. The first thing she says is, "Did you close the toilet after you pooped? Cause today on the news I heard that your poop particles can fly up to 25 feet, landing on your toothbrush." FML

#5593248
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31113) - you deserved it (2766)

On 10/01/2009 at 9:09pm - health - by Poop (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that if you don't clean the inside of your sonicare toothbrush, it can grow masses of fungus. I've been brushing my teeth with a vibrating mushroom for the past 5 months. FML

#5588493
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27882) - you deserved it (19917)

On 10/01/2009 at 5:57pm - misc - by mushroommouth (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while wearing my Navy Dress White Uniform, I decided to stop and help this attractive girl who was not feeling well. Without warning, she blew chunks all over my "Whites". I have a uniform inspection later this afternoon. FML

#5526050
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35614) - you deserved it (4350)

On 09/28/2009 at 12:24pm - misc - by mnavy (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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