FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked what I was doing. I replied, "What I'm always doing." She couldn't think of anything besides eating. FML

by Anonymous / 04/03/2011 at 1:39pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex fiancée, who left me six months ago, asked if I'd mind if she used the wedding dress I bought her for our wedding. She's just gotten engaged again. FML

by Jon / 04/02/2011 at 12:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

by Amy / 03/31/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, while at the mall I opened a bathroom stall thinking nobody was in there. The door just didn't close properly. I hit an elderly woman in the head. FML

by FckMyLife / 03/24/2011 at 10:46am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I walked home, I heard the people behind me in an argument over my gender. FML

by Cxisbest / 03/23/2011 at 5:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I dragged my son along with me to a work party because I didn't want him home by himself. Halfway through, he stood up and made an announcement about my pregnancy. I had to explain to all my coworkers and my boss that I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat. FML

by embarassed / 03/20/2011 at 12:26am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I got a call from the office telling me I was fired. When I asked why, my boss explained my mother called and told him I was in a "weak mental state." She thought she was helping me get off for my birthday. Now I have no job. FML

by jezebel / 03/17/2011 at 10:43am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML

by K / 02/15/2011 at 9:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad attempted to fix a power outlet. He managed to shock himself with 120 volts and fall backwards, landing on top of me. I am 85 pounds and he weighs 290 pounds. FML

by fudgydiaper22 / 01/29/2011 at 7:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I was doing my grocery shopping, absent-mindedly wondering if my new diet was working. I got my answer when my panties fell down around my ankles. FML

by knickersdontfit / 01/26/2011 at 12:44pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I braved the winter weather conditions to get to a clinic for a prescription anti-diarrhea medication. When I arrived to find it closed, I turned around to walk to my car where I slipped on the ice. The impact made me simultaneously bruise my elbow and shit myself. FML

by chelseaface / 01/21/2011 at 10:13am / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

by Anonymous / 01/15/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, was my boyfriends last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then ran up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught on her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML

by ash / 01/04/2011 at 4:09pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy