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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I weighed myself. When I was fifteen, my mom yelled at me, saying that I was going to end up being 200 pounds by the time I was forty. Well, mom, you're wrong. At this rate I'll be 200 pounds by the time I'm twenty. FML

#7521892
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10691) - you deserved it (33947)

On 01/23/2010 at 2:47pm - health - by notaguidette (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

#7339757
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29108) - you deserved it (5170)

On 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by scubai (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got home from a family trip to Disney World. I had taken nearly 300 photos of our trip on my new digital camera. As our car pulled into the driveway, I was using my camera to try to delete one unflattering shot of me. I accidentally deleted every picture off the memory card. FML

#7257310
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11643) - you deserved it (33914)

On 01/10/2010 at 12:14pm - misc - by PictureLess (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML

#7146444
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10995) - you deserved it (32657)

On 01/04/2010 at 2:20pm - money - by WorkSexMonkey (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. We decided to have sex in her basement. All awesome, until her mom walked down and wanted to watch a movie with us. I had to watch it naked under a blanket. FML

#7144399
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18884) - you deserved it (6898)

On 01/04/2010 at 10:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML

#6947126
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22204) - you deserved it (2570)

On 12/25/2009 at 10:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my parents told me they're getting a divorce. However, they asked me not to tell any of the family so that the news doesn't spoil Christmas. Thanks, Mom and Dad. FML

#6939095
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29391) - you deserved it (1969)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:19pm - misc - by parentalfail (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was telling my entire cocktail party about the time I accidentally flashed my volleyball team at a pool party. While trying to demonstrate how it happened, I accidentally pulled my dress down and flashed everyone again. FML

#6904777
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7210) - you deserved it (41431)

On 12/23/2009 at 3:48pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

#6809461
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21436) - you deserved it (4207)

On 12/18/2009 at 11:19am - work - by B (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while at work, I was asked if I wanted to leave early. I said no and let my co-worker go instead. Two hours later, I was punched in the face by one of my patients with absolutely no warning or provocation. FML

#6764357
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24063) - you deserved it (3562)

On 12/15/2009 at 1:04pm - work - by psychworker - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my new girlfriend was telling me how she's attracted to "All-American" looking guys. Tall, manly body, handsome face. Then she says, "But it's ok, you're cute too." FML

#6710252
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27330) - you deserved it (2678)

On 12/11/2009 at 4:24pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my daughter's school called to inform me that I needed to bring her some sneakers. Not feeling like driving the 15 minutes to her school, I told them I was away from town. Then I realized I was on my house phone. FML

#6692525
258 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5371) - you deserved it (64565)

On 12/10/2009 at 9:34am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I showed up on set for a film that I booked a role in weeks ago. At the time of the audition, the script was being rewritten, so today I was so excited and eager to be told what my role would entail. When they handed me the script, my character was described as a fat, ugly, awkward girl. FML

#6677293
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25451) - you deserved it (4645)

On 12/09/2009 at 6:13am - work - by okaythen6 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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