FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML

by Eden / 07/14/2011 at 4:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML

by SaggyBoy135 / 07/12/2011 at 8:19am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

by Anonymous / 06/30/2011 at 1:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I saw a guy with a "free hugs" poster. Since nobody else was hugging him, I decided to. He had a boner. FML

by nomorefreehugs / 06/27/2011 at 7:34pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I sprained my knee while going down on one knee to propose to my girlfriend. She laughed as I rolled in pain. I still haven't gotten an answer. FML

by smoothmove / 06/26/2011 at 12:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I walked around for hours with a post-it on my back reading "I JUST HAD SEX!" My boyfriend stuck it on me. FML

by suxx / 06/25/2011 at 4:39am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my school year book awarded "cutest couple" to my boyfriend and I. We broke up yesterday. FML

by yearbook369 / 06/25/2011 at 12:31am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, as I was sleeping I heard something bang on my door. I walked on my balcony only to find my boyfriend throwing rocks trying to wake me. He didn't see me and threw a rock right into my eye. FML

by ouchmyeye / 06/10/2011 at 12:59am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming, "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2011 at 9:07pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave me her number. I lost the note at home, but found it a few hours later. I excitedly called, only to find she'd written down the number for the local Pizza Hut. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, at my hairdressing job, my first client of the day came in for a cut. Her hair smelled awful, and when I asked her why, she informed me that she'd gotten trashed with some friends the night before, and one of them had puked in her hair. She came to me to get it cleaned out. FML

by ewwgross / 05/20/2011 at 7:29pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

by bloodyLIP / 05/14/2011 at 3:06pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, after weeks of money slowly disappearing from the stash in my bedroom, I confronted my son about it. I'm not sure which is worse: that my son is a thief or that he actually blamed his father for it. We've been divorced and haven't spoken for eight years. FML

by jill / 05/08/2011 at 2:25pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids