FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, my boyfriend posted pictures of him at the bar last night with his ex. And ones of them in her bed this morning. I guess we're sleeping with other people? FML

by kayla53 / 02/29/2016 at 11:17am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I was using my headset while gaming, and another player couldn't stop laughing at the hilariously high-pitched voice I was putting on. He thought I was mocking the pre-pubescent squeakers on our team. Nope, that's just my natural voice. FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2016 at 4:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I've been calling my pet snake "Mr. Snake" for two years now. I decided to look up the name, and boy do I regret it. It turns out Mr. Snake is a porn site. I've named my snake after porn and have been introducing him to family with that name for two years. FML

by GeeLoftus / 01/31/2016 at 2:32pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I had to explain to my friend that a blue raspberry is not a blackberry, and that blue raspberry is an artificial flavor, not a fruit. This explanation took much longer than it should have. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2016 at 11:19am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I found out the reason why my cat would sometimes go outside for days at a time was because when she would go out, my neighbor would lure her in with cat treats and keep her there for up to 2 days. She's an indoor cat now. FML

by cat lady / 01/06/2016 at 10:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

Today, I tried asking a guy I like on a date. He turned me down, saying that I "seem like a nice person and all", but after seeing those reality shows on truTV, he "would rather not date a Russian. No offense, though." FML

by vanilla_blossom / 01/05/2016 at 1:49pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my older brother called me ugly, and so I used the classic comeback ''It's not nice to talk about yourself like that." He responded by cutting the strings to my violin. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2015 at 8:31pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking my grandma shopping, when she pointed at a pair of thongs and told me if I don’t start wearing them I won’t get a man. I've been married for 4 years, gran. Thanks for paying attention. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2015 at 4:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

by f4444 / 12/21/2015 at 12:38am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that I've spent so much time playing Sudoku in the bathroom at work that I've trained myself to need to pee whenever I open the app. FML

by sudoku_fiend / 12/12/2015 at 11:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my house is so cold that I chipped a tooth from chattering so hard. FML

by elena02 / 11/21/2015 at 2:45pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my dad for help on some homework I didn't fully understand. He walked away and came back with a huge bowl of grapes and said, "Here's your brain food." Then he left. FML

by grapes / 11/15/2015 at 5:12pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked from my friend's wedding to my divorce. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2015 at 7:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love