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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I was woken by my alarm. I got really tangled up in my blankets, and struggled frantically to untangle myself so I could turn off the alarm. I not only kneed myself in the face, but I accidentally punched myself in the nuts too. Hard. FML

#8555278
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12258) - you deserved it (20134)

On 02/22/2010 at 2:51pm - misc - by sacked (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in school and spotted my girlfriend in the hallway. I wanted to be all romantic and grab her like guys do in movies. I grabbed her wrist forcefully and pulled her out of the crowd. As I quickly leaned in to kiss her I broke her nose. FML

#8376672
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10750) - you deserved it (32499)

On 02/17/2010 at 3:44pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I bundled up to shovel my car out of almost 2 feet of snow, only to find my car was gone. I ran into the nearby police station to report my stolen car. The policeman trudged down with me to get a report. I had parked my car on the other side of the street. FML

#8144453
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4592) - you deserved it (26130)

On 02/11/2010 at 9:14pm - misc - by snowbunny (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was going out to my car with my sister's birthday present. I slipped on some ice and the present fell to the ground. I spent an hour wrapping it. I could hear the present break. I had gotten her $200 wine glasses. I then had to run to the nearest store and get her a CD instead. FML

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

#7957941
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23740) - you deserved it (5409)

On 02/07/2010 at 12:15am - love - by Bruja5 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at work at daycare, this kid was coughing really bad, so I put my hand in front of his mouth in case he was choking on something so he could spit it out. But nope he wasn't choking, he was sick. He puked right into my hands. FML

#7588256
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11148) - you deserved it (24373)

On 01/26/2010 at 11:13am - work - by Kylie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to my step-sister's for family dinner. Her husband was really drunk and openly hit on me in front of most of my family. I nonchalantly ignored his advances. Later, my step-mom said it would not have happened if I didn't dress like a skank. FML

#7564709
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27268) - you deserved it (5319)

On 01/25/2010 at 5:27am - misc - by irishbabycakes (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I weighed myself. When I was fifteen, my mom yelled at me, saying that I was going to end up being 200 pounds by the time I was forty. Well, mom, you're wrong. At this rate I'll be 200 pounds by the time I'm twenty. FML

#7521892
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10012) - you deserved it (32753)

On 01/23/2010 at 2:47pm - health - by notaguidette (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

#7339757
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27189) - you deserved it (4922)

On 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by scubai (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got home from a family trip to Disney World. I had taken nearly 300 photos of our trip on my new digital camera. As our car pulled into the driveway, I was using my camera to try to delete one unflattering shot of me. I accidentally deleted every picture off the memory card. FML

#7257310
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11067) - you deserved it (32852)

On 01/10/2010 at 12:14pm - misc - by PictureLess (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that shutting off the heat in the rental property my parents owned was a bad idea. The water froze and the pipes burst, causing the whole kitchen ceiling to fall down. The water ruined the wood floors and the appliances. I turned off the heat to save money. FML

#7146444
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10400) - you deserved it (31549)

On 01/04/2010 at 2:20pm - money - by WorkSexMonkey (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. We decided to have sex in her basement. All awesome, until her mom walked down and wanted to watch a movie with us. I had to watch it naked under a blanket. FML

#7144399
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17468) - you deserved it (6590)

On 01/04/2010 at 10:49am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my father went out to get batteries for the remote control helicopter I bought him for Christmas. In his excitement, he backed his truck into my car. FML

#6947126
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20798) - you deserved it (2440)

On 12/25/2009 at 10:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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