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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML

#12694516
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31372) - you deserved it (20874)

On 08/23/2010 at 1:05am - intimacy - by diesel444 (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

#12693106
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8771) - you deserved it (28617)

On 08/23/2010 at 12:03am - kids - by laughxlove - United States (New Jersey)

Today, one of my cousins offered to sell me his mac for a low price. When I got it, I realized it was an old toshiba painted white with an apple sticker on it. My cousin still insists it's a mac. FML

#12612052
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16414) - you deserved it (27785)

On 08/18/2010 at 8:53pm - misc - by roflcopter (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I thought it would be funny to moon people out of my friend's car window. I rolled down the window and mooned a random couple. You should have seen the looks on their faces when I had to get out of the car and pick up my phone and wallet, which were in my back pocket. FML

#12483686
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4760) - you deserved it (49907)

On 08/12/2010 at 7:05pm - misc - by fullmoonfml (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while driving I made a fake phone call with my fake boyfriend, making him sound amazing to my friends who were in the car with me. Until the red and blue flashing lights pulled up behind us. My fake boyfriend cost me $160 in real fines. FML

#12376423
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6567) - you deserved it (59670)

On 08/07/2010 at 7:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

#11723060
388 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60762) - you deserved it (8356)

On 07/07/2010 at 12:40pm - love - by whatheffers (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was relaxing on the couch after a long day with my annoying aunt when I heard my sister come in from the garage. I loudly asked, "Do you think Aunt Stacy knows everybody doesn't like her?" It wasn't my sister. It was my aunt returning my purse I had left in her car. FML

#11618988
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8360) - you deserved it (51190)

On 07/02/2010 at 7:53pm - misc - by katara (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML

#11528096
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30949) - you deserved it (11509)

On 06/28/2010 at 10:21pm - work - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was twenty minutes into babysitting my twin baby cousins when I realized that there are no diapers to be found anywhere in the house. I have no way to get a hold of my aunt, no money to buy new diapers, and I don't even have a way to get to the store in the first place. The next few hours are going to be lovely. FML

#11431996
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33753) - you deserved it (4383)

On 06/24/2010 at 5:38pm - kids - by babysitter (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at a public pool. A very fat kid yelled, "Cannon Ball!" He jumped right on me. FML

#11105800
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45094) - you deserved it (4056)

On 06/10/2010 at 3:59pm - misc - by Collin - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was watching a movie at my girlfriend's house with her and her parents. There was a part where a brother and sister kissed, so I said "where'd they come from, Alabama?" Today is also the day I found out my girlfriend's parents are from Alabama. FML

#10717773
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11058) - you deserved it (33460)

On 05/23/2010 at 7:15pm - misc - by THANKS4theINFO (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I just had a phone interview with a college. The lady asked me to spell out my password to a site so she can access my test scores. The password was "dick." FML

#9372806
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10799) - you deserved it (46628)

On 03/25/2010 at 7:07am - intimacy - by uhoh901 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I came home to hear my girlfriend break up with me, over the answering machine, with my entire family in the room. FML

#9095527
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28922) - you deserved it (1961)

On 03/15/2010 at 2:19am - love - by kukadaman - United States (New Jersey)



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