FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML

by lol112 / 06/02/2012 at 8:47am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my last day at school before I graduate next week. Ten minutes into lunch break, I was brutally nailed in the neck by a football. Now, not only do I look like I was given a hickey by the Jolly Green Giant himself, I have to wear a neck brace at my graduation ceremony. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2012 at 2:17pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, while taking part in a lifeguarding exercise, I was supposed to "drown" to get another guard to save me. After all was done, my boss called me into his office and screamed at me for "drowning the wrong way," and threatening our reputation. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2012 at 2:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I went to the water park with my boyfriend. A swimsuit was required to go on the rides. My bikini straps somehow got torn off and I had nothing else with me. My boyfriend said, "Hell, just wear my spare shorts. You could pass as a guy with your chest". FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2012 at 3:19pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, it's my birthday. All I wanted was birthday sex, but all my boyfriend could talk about was how great the new purse he got me was. I think he might like it more than me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 8:25pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/07/2012 at 1:25am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushed me in and then ran away, laughing hysterically. I was stuck in the mulch, and no one would help. I was literally in deep shit. FML

by horselover7766 / 04/25/2012 at 7:08pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my fiancé has been cheating on me for the past month. The lady he has been seeing is a choreographer that was teaching him how to dance salsa for our wedding rehearsal. FML

by Gennifer / 04/22/2012 at 1:20am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, while driving home, I realized I forgot my house key. Luckily, when I arrived home, someone had already broken into my house. Guess I didn't need the key. FML

by yuuupyup / 04/17/2012 at 8:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we need to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML

by marymark / 04/12/2012 at 9:02pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom was in the kitchen when her shirt caught on fire. Acting quickly, I poured my glass of water on her. Instead of thanking me, she yelled at me for making a mess. FML

by zazzleface / 04/09/2012 at 8:23am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I introduced my mother to my new girlfriend. My mom made a very nasty comment about her in Spanish, not realizing that my girlfriend teaches Spanish at the local school. FML

by spanishsucks / 03/31/2012 at 11:01pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I found out what a bottle of regurgitated wine looks like on white bedsheets. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2012 at 10:59am / United States (New Jersey) / Health