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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML

#17516529
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41553) - you deserved it (2876)

On 08/19/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by leftwardfoil (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML

#17460856
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28560) - you deserved it (5723)

On 08/13/2011 at 3:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML

#17458354
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27278) - you deserved it (5025)

On 08/13/2011 at 7:45am - love - by Username - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while walking in the city with my little sister, she let go of my hand. Not wanting to lose her, I quickly tried to grab it back. That resulted in me grabbing some 50 year old man's junk. FML

#17408229
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35053) - you deserved it (5903)

On 08/08/2011 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by Sharee K. - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while using the restroom at McDonald's, a hand reached under my stall and took the remaining toilet paper. FML

#17307885
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36725) - you deserved it (3698)

On 07/30/2011 at 10:07am - misc - by ewww - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

#17283152
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30019) - you deserved it (15555)

On 07/28/2011 at 1:39am - kids - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My older brother and his friends lit my slippers on fire. While I was wearing them. They even took a video. FML

#17261377
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30764) - you deserved it (3036)

On 07/26/2011 at 12:03am - misc - by Ep1cF4ce - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend and his bandmates were doing a live interview for a web show. Drunk off his ass, my boyfriend starts telling the internet how his ex-girlfriend is his biggest inspiration. I was standing right next to him. FML

Today, I found out I can't go to my best friend's birthday party. To cheer me up, my parents decided to take me and my brother to my favorite pizzeria for dinner. When I was ready and went downstairs, I discovered they left already. They forgot me. FML

#17130002
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33778) - you deserved it (2792)

On 07/16/2011 at 12:25am - misc - by jordy1995 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned why my boyfriend of 10 months and I never hang out at his place. He still lives at home with his mother. He's 38. FML

#17116757
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29080) - you deserved it (5356)

On 07/15/2011 at 1:51am - love - by brsoxgirl - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my tonsils swelled to roughly the size of golf balls. My mom refuses to take me to the hospital because she's convinced I got it from kissing someone, and until I "fess up", she's not budging. FML

#17109448
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36561) - you deserved it (2824)

On 07/14/2011 at 4:21pm - health - by Eden - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML

#17078308
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22235) - you deserved it (3133)

On 07/12/2011 at 8:19am - kids - by SaggyBoy135 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up to find that not only did the toothpaste I put on my pimple make it more noticable, but it made it worse. FML

#16922820
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10863) - you deserved it (30442)

On 06/30/2011 at 1:30pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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