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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

#18309912
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20820) - you deserved it (2263)

On 11/21/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by whyyy (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took my cat to the vet for an x-ray. They found three dollar coins in his stomach. The surgery to remove them is $600. FML

#18148198
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27482) - you deserved it (3851)

On 11/03/2011 at 4:06pm - money - by oneillrox - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad walked in on me masturbating. All I could say was, "Uh I had an itch..." FML

#18100630
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16949) - you deserved it (30866)

On 10/29/2011 at 12:43am - intimacy - by me - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

#18048411
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14801) - you deserved it (46185)

On 10/22/2011 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I called my boyfriend to see if he wanted to come over to my house. He said he couldn't because he was out of town. That would have be perfectly acceptable, if I hadn't called him on his house phone. FML

#18032391
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34764) - you deserved it (2944)

On 10/20/2011 at 5:18pm - love - by cmd102 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in a public restroom. The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort. I ignored him and finished up. I turned around to be greeted by his red swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is my penis supposed to look like this?" FML

#18003683
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33885) - you deserved it (2394)

On 10/17/2011 at 12:20am - health - by blarp - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it turns out that my hairy feet are the most memorable part about me. My family's named me "the hobbit". FML

#17991756
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22083) - you deserved it (3714)

On 10/15/2011 at 6:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I met an old friend from high school and his hot girlfriend. I jokingly said she must be blind to go out with him. His response: "Yeah, she is." FML

#17728499
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19203) - you deserved it (32882)

On 09/12/2011 at 3:25pm - misc - by aru9 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I missed my bus, so I walked home in the rain from school, only to realize my mom had been following me the whole time in the car, laughing her ass off. FML

#17691004
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35786) - you deserved it (3452)

On 09/07/2011 at 7:53pm - misc - by me - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my report card finally came in. My mom took one look at it and told me that if I'm not going to take my grades seriously, I might as well start looking for a sugar daddy. But first, I apparently need to work on prettying myself up. FML

#17644217
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22086) - you deserved it (7870)

On 09/02/2011 at 12:58pm - misc - by tryingtobepretty101 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML

#17630821
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21400) - you deserved it (1556)

On 08/31/2011 at 4:15pm - misc - by EwwGross - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I woke up to my roommate sniffing my underwear. He said he was checking if they were clean, so he could borrow them later. Which may have been reasonable, if I weren't still sleeping in them. FML

#17516529
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41404) - you deserved it (2868)

On 08/19/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by leftwardfoil (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I fell asleep at the beach. My friends took the opportunity to bury me in the sand, place food all around me, and wait for a flock of hungry seagulls to attack me. To top it off, they taped it all. FML

#17460856
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28422) - you deserved it (5711)

On 08/13/2011 at 3:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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