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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I got an angry call from my 7-year-old son's school. It turned out that while doing a "what I want to be when I'm older" assignment, he wrote that he wants to be an internet troll so he can make people mad and make them kill themselves. FML

#21471822
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26594) - you deserved it (4068)

On 09/23/2015 at 11:48am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, someone photoshopped my head onto some nude girl's body and spread it around at school. It was shockingly convincing. Now everyone's calling me a slut, and the worst part is I have no idea which photo the person used or where they got it from, so I can't prove it's a fake. FML

#21467285
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26699) - you deserved it (1582)

On 09/11/2015 at 1:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out I wasn't cool enough to be invited to a college party that happened last night. The one in charge of inviting people was my girlfriend of two years. FML

#21466148
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23567) - you deserved it (1959)

On 09/08/2015 at 3:12pm - love - by Anonymoose (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

#21462179
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25231) - you deserved it (1788)

On 08/29/2015 at 3:20pm - love - by babypenguin00 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, at the camp that I work at, a little girl asked to "feel" my muscles. Thinking it was cute, I flexed for her. She laughed and said, "No, really." FML

#21456831
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18780) - you deserved it (8008)

On 08/16/2015 at 7:37pm - kids - by donuts678 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went on a blind date. People always joke about how horrible Axe is, but this guy sprayed it on so thick that I genuinely had to fight to not retch the entire time. It was so bad that at one point I thought I was going to pass out. FML

#21456695
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22345) - you deserved it (1750)

On 08/16/2015 at 12:18pm - misc - by pvcnutcrackingdomqueen4u (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the jackoffs at my new job kept making jokes about my prosthetic leg. When I finally lost my shit and told one of them to back off, he said "Woah there, Mr Pistorius!" then said he'll avoid using the restroom now in case I decide to shoot him through the door. FML

#21453154
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28284) - you deserved it (1771)

On 08/07/2015 at 1:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to a high school reunion. An old friend I hadn't seen in a while suddenly came up to me and gasped, "Oh, thank God!" I was about to greet her and catch up when she added, "I'm not the only one who gained weight!" FML

#21451692
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25118) - you deserved it (2766)

On 08/04/2015 at 7:59am - misc - by elizio (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

#21451089
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24040) - you deserved it (3378)

On 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm - kids - by BrandonDrapeau - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

#21449270
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28287) - you deserved it (8326)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:34pm - intimacy - by RuasaLove - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my sister and I were planning a trip to get away from things and visit some faraway friends. My dad then decided to insert himself into our plans. He got mad when we said no, and couldn't understand why we wanted to go by ourselves. FML

#21448997
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22350) - you deserved it (2347)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

#21441553
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23126) - you deserved it (2593)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm - kids - by Andrew - United States (New Jersey)



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