FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I saw a homeless man on the street and decided to give him the dollar bill I had left in my wallet. He said "Thank you" then as I turned to walk away, he muttered "Cheap-ass cunt". FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2016 at 2:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, I asked my manager what NSFW stands for. FML

by Looking4ajob / 07/18/2016 at 11:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, I woke up with a cockroach in my ear. FML

by jaqlove / 07/02/2016 at 4:28pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because I look like his favorite hentai character. FML

by titmeister / 06/28/2016 at 12:30pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, we had a fish fry for Father's Day. I ended up getting a fish bone lodged in my tonsil, and I had to rush to the bathroom to pull it out. I threw up three times in the process and still didn't manage to get the bone out. FML

by dammitRandy / 06/19/2016 at 1:18pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, after spending $850 on having our siding, roof and windows powerwashed, a 5-minute storm blew the siding clear off the house. FML

by caryl101698 / 06/08/2016 at 9:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Money

Today, my skittish cat almost fell off my bed. He caught himself, though. Using his claws on my bare foot. FML

by MercyRoseLiddell / 05/27/2016 at 3:13pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was practicing the piano. My brother told me that if I loved him, I would stop. FML

by ijustwannaplaymymusic / 05/27/2016 at 12:40am / United States (New Jersey) / Work

Today, as I was getting x-rays of my arm, I heard one technician ask another, "Are you sure those are hers?" At 17, I have weaker bones than my grandma. FML

by Anonymous / 05/20/2016 at 7:29am / United States (New Jersey) / Health

Today, I worked up the courage to ask out the girl I liked. I got her a nice bracelet for her birthday and asked her on a date when I gave it to her. "Aww, you're so sweet!" was the response to the gift. Her response to the date proposal? "Wait, you aren't gay?" FML

by Failsafe / 05/09/2016 at 10:35am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I spent thirty minutes on the phone with my best friend's mom, because her daughter was too afraid to tell me that I'm no longer a bridesmaid at her wedding because I'm too fat. FML

by wearingashirtatthepool / 05/08/2016 at 8:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, because her military father, who doesn't like me, continuously threatened my safety for dating her. Now he's threatening to kill me for dumping her. I can't win. FML

by send the army please / 05/02/2016 at 2:51am / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, as I was taking a shower, I felt something run down my back. Assuming it was water, I lathered up my loofah and scrubbed my back with it, only to hear a gross crunching sound. I pulled back my loofah to see a smushed, twitching cockroach that I had smeared on my back. FML

by kittywings / 04/28/2016 at 9:14pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.