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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

#21451089
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9756) - you deserved it (1222)

On 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm - kids - by BrandonDrapeau - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

#21449270
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22597) - you deserved it (6516)

On 07/29/2015 at 10:34pm - intimacy - by RuasaLove - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my sister and I were planning a trip to get away from things and visit some faraway friends. My dad then decided to insert himself into our plans. He got mad when we said no, and couldn't understand why we wanted to go by ourselves. FML

#21448997
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20185) - you deserved it (2110)

On 07/29/2015 at 8:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML

Today, I heard my ten-year-old brother say, "Are hamburgers a reptile?" FML

#21441553
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21759) - you deserved it (2266)

On 07/14/2015 at 1:59pm - kids - by Andrew - United States (New Jersey)

Today, instead of canceling for the third consecutive time due to work-related reasons, my boyfriend sent his twin brother on our date. They both thought I wouldn't notice. FML

#21438625
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26346) - you deserved it (1673)

On 07/08/2015 at 4:50pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I confessed my feelings to the girl I like, who also happens to be my coworker. She told my boss, and they're laughing about it as I type this. FML

#21436632
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23009) - you deserved it (2571)

On 07/05/2015 at 2:18am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was notified I'm being discharged after 2 weeks because my employers don't have the time to train me at my first real job in 6 years. FML

#21431811
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23385) - you deserved it (1644)

On 06/25/2015 at 2:29pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

#21431233
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19636) - you deserved it (3573)

On 06/24/2015 at 3:45pm - animals - by That escalated quickly - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I left my dog in my car for 5 minutes while I ran into a store. The car was running so he was fine, the thing that wasn't so fine is that when I walked out my car wasn't there. My dog somehow moved my car into the middle of a intersection, almost causing an accident. FML

#21430717
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20058) - you deserved it (16978)

On 06/23/2015 at 4:00pm - animals - by ej6901 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

#21429349
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25533) - you deserved it (2993)

On 06/21/2015 at 2:04am - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided to wax my eyebrows. My entire eyebrow came off. FML

#21421754
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21683) - you deserved it (12418)

On 06/06/2015 at 12:29pm - misc - by Eyebrowless (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I'm getting over a nasty breakup, and decided to treat myself and order a pizza online. After waiting 45 minutes, I checked the site. Turns out, I'd forgotten to change the address on the site. I sent my ex a free pizza. FML

#21421711
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30890) - you deserved it (5510)

On 06/06/2015 at 10:37am - love - by sad and hungry (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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