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FMLs submitted from New Jersey

Today, after moving into my new house, I woke up to strange sounds coming from the kitchen. I panicked and started sobbing, convinced it was either a robbery or a home invasion. Turned out it was just my cat. FML

#21247811
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22892) - you deserved it (8736)

On 08/29/2014 at 11:38am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a schoolmate I've always secretly hated came over to my place to hang out. She found her way to my room and instantly noticed my dartboard, which I'd taped a picture of her face onto. FML

#21246638
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17867) - you deserved it (37305)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:57pm - misc - by Woops (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, after coming home from a two week vacation, my dog was pink, there were beer bottles and used condoms on my bed, and everything was a mess. I asked my sister, who'd been watching over the place, what had happened. She just said "Oops." and hung up. FML

#21246633
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33568) - you deserved it (3023)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:52pm - misc - by nayahbear24 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20070) - you deserved it (38139)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at the dinner table. To make matters worse, it was a compilation of different noises from over a long period of time. My family was horrified and my husband seemed proud of himself. FML

#21222673
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38033) - you deserved it (3851)

On 07/28/2014 at 12:36am - misc - by blow away - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was so ashamed of my weight when I sat down and the suction of my thighs made a loud fart noise, I admitted to it being a fart rather than my fat rolls. FML

#21218616
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33282) - you deserved it (18211)

On 07/23/2014 at 7:24pm - health - by ThunderThighs (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had to drop off my library book. I thought I'd dropped in into the library book drop, but I'd accidentally put it in the post office mail box. To get the book back, I had to explain this incident five times to three librarians, a mailman, and my sister who called me ridiculous. FML

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

#21203678
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41765) - you deserved it (3807)

On 07/09/2014 at 3:26am - health - by Sun_Kissed18 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML

#21203004
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39627) - you deserved it (4845)

On 07/08/2014 at 3:55pm - animals - by Jack00412 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML

#21182903
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56824) - you deserved it (4372)

On 06/21/2014 at 8:50am - health - by anon - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I collected a package from a handsome UPS guy. We exchanged smiles, and he even noticeably checked me out. I was feeling really confident for the first time in a while. Then I went inside and saw that I had two huge breastmilk spots on my chest. FML

Today, I was out shopping with my mom. While we were walking, a guy in a car honked at me. I'm not used to compliments, so I was pretty flattered and flashed him a smile. He looked back at me, confused, then shook his head and pointed at my mom. FML

#21173638
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41670) - you deserved it (5413)

On 06/13/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my best friend wanted to see what my new boyfriend looks like. By chance, he'd sent me a Snapchat a few minutes before, so I opened it to show her, only to see that it was a dick pic. FML

#21132642
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33220) - you deserved it (39177)

On 05/06/2014 at 7:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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