Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML
I agree, your life sucks (8003) - you deserved it (53029)
On 07/27/2009 at 10:34am - intimacy - by condom_kid (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I told my boyfriend I was really horny. He then gave me the link to his favorite "porn". He said I should do it for him. It was a youtube video of some girl making a sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45823) - you deserved it (11145)
On 07/27/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by fmysexlife (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my friend got drunk. He always pukes when he gets drunk, but I decided to drive him home anyway. He didn't puke the whole ride. We arrived at his house and he got out. Right as I was about to drive away he stumbled back to my car because he forgot his wallet. He grabbed it and puked on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32494) - you deserved it (4081)
On 07/15/2009 at 9:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really hit it off with. Then he admitted that he was a recovering heroin addict and had to cut our date short to go to the methadone clinic. When I got home, I realized that my wallet was missing $40. I think he lied about the "recovering" part. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35708) - you deserved it (3400)
On 07/12/2009 at 9:29am - love - by vividrabbit (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I came home and found out that my new roommate, who smokes half a pack of cigarettes a day and drinks heavily 5 nights a week, had smashed my $300 bong because "weed is a horrible and deadly drug that will kill you slowly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47622) - you deserved it (25844)
On 07/06/2009 at 1:55am - misc - by expen_dable (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was sitting next to this cute guy on an airplane who I had started talking to. There was still an empty seat between us and it seemed like there weren't any more passengers boarding the plane. I then asked out loud, "I wonder if anyone will sit between us?" He replied "I hope so." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35951) - you deserved it (8306)
On 06/24/2009 at 1:10am - misc - by Nutty (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my daughter used pledge to clean the wooden staircase. I found out when I tried to walk down them in socks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36727) - you deserved it (3530)
On 06/23/2009 at 2:12am - kids - by FastFlight (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I checked my bank account that i've been saving money in since I was a kid for college. I have $100 left out of the $10,000 I had last month. Apparently my parents thought buying a pool and an HDTV for themselves was more important than my college education. FML
I agree, your life sucks (95781) - you deserved it (3674)
On 06/05/2009 at 10:24pm - money - by ExtemelyBroke (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was flying back home from college with my Mom. At the airport, the ticket agent tells us she only has one ticket listed for Margaret. My mom and I have the same name. American Airlines thought a Margaret had bought two tickets by mistake, so they cancelled one of the transactions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55276) - you deserved it (2953)
On 05/19/2009 at 11:50am - misc - by Margaret (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I brought back the puppy I adopted for my family. I spent months doing all the research on puppy care with two young children, and at least five hundred dollars for the dog, the supplies, toys... the whole bit. Turns out everyone's allergic to her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41358) - you deserved it (7084)
On 04/27/2009 at 8:52am - animals - by achoo (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, at my grandmothers funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51222) - you deserved it (3092)
On 04/24/2009 at 9:44pm - misc - by baddream (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my hamster gave birth. The babies were very cute and I couldn't resist petting one. Apparently touching a baby hamster will cause it's mother to reject and devour it. I am now know in my family as "The Hamster Slaughterer." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44510) - you deserved it (18333)
On 04/20/2009 at 11:11pm - animals - by whymommywhy (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39882) - you deserved it (16864)
On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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