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FMLs submitted from New Hampshire

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

#21387117
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31354) - you deserved it (6226)

On 04/03/2015 at 5:15pm - kids - by no, YOU raised him (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML

#21348664
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15990) - you deserved it (42904)

On 02/02/2015 at 10:14pm - health - by toe - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I spent over an hour shovelling the walkway and driveway, snow blowing in my face and down my coat. When I was finally finished, a guy started going through the neighborhood plowing everyone's driveways for them. FML

#21345278
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26019) - you deserved it (2828)

On 01/27/2015 at 8:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my boyfriend bought a new toaster. It not only pops up the bread when done, it also beeps loudly. It makes me scream in terror every single time. My boyfriend has now vowed to "Toast 'til the end of time." It's going to be a long year. FML

Today, my boss sent me a link on how to write a good resignation letter. FML

#21321621
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30193) - you deserved it (2827)

On 12/21/2014 at 5:02pm - misc - by scoold - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my son was crying because he's afraid he might get Ebola. We live in Maine, and he's 16. FML

Today, on my first day of sailing practice, I managed to sit on a metal cleat. After being admitted to the ER, I was informed that I had two vaginal lacerations that needed surgery. The nurse tried to convince me it was my lucky day, because the hospital café was serving vanilla pudding. FML

#21267748
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42755) - you deserved it (3925)

On 09/29/2014 at 3:39pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I went deep-sea fishing with my friends. I told them my new phone case is waterproof, and I showed them by pouring a bit of water on it. My friend decided to throw it in the water for a better example. The case didn't float. FML

#21258099
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44170) - you deserved it (7120)

On 09/14/2014 at 2:47pm - misc - by HiImAlfredo (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was replaced in the symphony I play in. I play the clarinet, and a standard symphony only uses two, so getting into one can be quite competitive. My conductor's reasoning? "I was sure you were going to college." I never mentioned college to him, other than saying I wasn't going. FML

Today, I asked for time off from work for my wedding and honeymoon. A grand total of three days. My boss made a face like he'd sucked on rancid toes and asked me if I was stupid. Awesome. FML

#21237232
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42744) - you deserved it (3202)

On 08/14/2014 at 3:15am - work - by BrokeBride (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

#21224768
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48016) - you deserved it (5704)

On 07/30/2014 at 1:04pm - intimacy - by WasntWorthIt - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I told someone about my degree in technical theatre with a concentration in lighting design. They looked at me and said, "You're paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?" And technically, that's correct. FML

#21159630
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45858) - you deserved it (12102)

On 06/01/2014 at 6:15pm - work - by ugh - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and he was moaning a lot. My ego was quickly crushed, though, when I found out they were moans of pain due to a foot cramp. We had to stop so I could rub his foot better. FML

#21120108
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52049) - you deserved it (6483)

On 04/22/2014 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by only my life (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)



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