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FMLs submitted from Nevada

Today, I was informed from a fellow employee at a bar that he finally "hit" the boss' wife. I work for my parents. FML

#3168193
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66526) - you deserved it (2631)

On 06/24/2009 at 5:59am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was walking around the park with my wife. Out of nowhere, a little girl on a bicycle slammed in to me, knocking me to the ground. As I rolled over, sure that my ankle was broken, her father ran over to me. He screamed, "Watch where you're going, douchebag!" FML

#3107443
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59372) - you deserved it (2813)

On 06/22/2009 at 12:11am - kids - by Al (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. While I was at the store, an employee came up to me and said, "You're beautiful!" When I came home I told my husband what had just happened. My husband then asked, "What was wrong with him?" FML

#2999612
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50079) - you deserved it (5050)

On 06/18/2009 at 3:40pm - love - by Ann (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said, "Is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" When I answered yes, he turned and walked out of the room. FML

#2693360
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52153) - you deserved it (6062)

On 06/07/2009 at 3:14pm - intimacy - by szinna (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

#1837844
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93387) - you deserved it (5104)

On 05/11/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by mistake (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" In a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML

#1769804
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13555) - you deserved it (46891)

On 05/09/2009 at 2:08am - animals - by Christine (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I got a call from my child's preschool saying that "Mindy keeps saying she sits on her daddy's lap and plays with his peter." My daughter meant 'puter, as in computer. Now the school is worried my husband is a child molester. FML

#1704585
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62852) - you deserved it (2765)

On 05/06/2009 at 9:43pm - misc - by Gumfanatic302 (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was insulted online by a teenager who said that I was probably a fat loser that still lives with their mother and a couple of cats. They were right. FML

#1656055
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29194) - you deserved it (54517)

On 05/05/2009 at 6:32am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my friends and I were celebrating Spring Break by going out to a club. I saw a very, very cute girl sipping a drink at the bar all by herself. Trying to be a stud I walked over and said "What are you doing Friday night?" Her response: "Not you." FML

#1244870
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24040) - you deserved it (74471)

On 04/23/2009 at 12:20am - intimacy - by rejected (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML

#965194
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (87956) - you deserved it (8690)

On 04/14/2009 at 4:51am - kids - by poolboy (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was bored at my job at Home Depot. I got a bar code tattoo 3 weeks ago and thought it would be funny to scan it. I'm a $5.98 160z claw hammer. FML

#881347
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38687) - you deserved it (129962)

On 04/09/2009 at 2:03am - work - by tool (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I told my parents how grateful I am for having them in my life and that not many kids are as lucky as me. My mom texted me after I went out 10 minutes later: "Are you ok? You seemed depressed earlier." FML

#66830
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30633) - you deserved it (4854)

On 02/18/2009 at 3:55am - love - by dxl (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I saw my male boss holding a purse. Just to be a smart ass, I made fun of him as if the purse was his. It was his. FML

#45766
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9754) - you deserved it (37943)

On 02/15/2009 at 4:06am - misc - by gregoyles (man) - United States (Nevada)



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