FMLs submitted from Nevada

Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2011 at 9:09pm / United States (Nevada) / Money

Today, I carpooled with my co-worker whose girlfriend has left him. The radio was playing the song "Jar of Hearts." He then began to sing intensely, and broke down crying. FML

by Anon / 11/14/2011 at 3:45am / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, I tried to break up with my girlfriend because I feel unappreciated. She fell asleep while I was attempting this. FML

by kirrby / 11/12/2011 at 1:41am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, my dad took my phone away. This would be fine if I was 14. I'm 22 and pay for all of my own bills. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2011 at 7:25pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a long bike-ride home, I thought my roommate was being a douche and holding the door shut to our apartment. After about ten minutes of shoulder-slamming and name calling, I discovered that I just wasn't turning the key all the way, which I found out when my roomie came home. FML

by nooooooooob / 10/05/2011 at 4:59am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a girl wearing a Nirvana shirt. Since Nirvana has been my favorite band for a long time, I tried striking up a conversation with her. Turns out she doesn't even listen to them, and only bought the shirt because she "liked the smiley face." FML

by storksleuth / 10/04/2011 at 4:57am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

by Anon / 08/04/2011 at 4:30am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, my mom finally learned how to text. Now it's her way of communicating, even when we're in the same room. FML

by montextes / 07/25/2011 at 12:12pm / United States (Nevada) / Geek

Today, I learned that I can work out for over an hour a day, cut my daily calories by almost half, keep careful track of my diet, drink nothing but water, and not lose a pound. But I can sure as hell gain weight after one dinner at a buffet. FML

by foreverafatty / 03/31/2011 at 1:49am / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, at the Mommy and Me dance class that I take my four year old daughter to, the instructor had us do a stretch, telling us to pretend we're mermaids. My daughter said to me, "But you're not a mermaid, you're a whale!" FML

by Abby_gummibear / 03/19/2011 at 5:04pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, I wanted to propose to my girlfriend, so I bought M and M's which I had customized with the words "Will you marry me?" on them. She ate them all without reading them. FML

by Username / 02/08/2011 at 11:57am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I went to school prepared to speak in front of a whole bunch of kids and talk about how great my middle school is. I spent an hour on the speech and took the 45 minute drive there. Turns out the coordinator of the school only called me in to pass out brochures. FML

by sureloved97 / 01/09/2011 at 2:14am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML

by nukebroadcast / 12/16/2010 at 1:32am / United States (Nevada) / Health