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FMLs submitted from Nevada

Today, I learned that binding my stomach with duct tape isn't worth it to look thin. I also learned the even worse part when I shrieked more loudly than I should've when I tried to discreetly rip it off in history class. FML

Today, I was driving when I noticed that the guy in front was on the phone. I pulled up next to him, pulled out my phone and I made a gesture that he needed to put his phone away. It was a cop. I got a ticket for driving while on my cell phone. FML

#20621724
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40748) - you deserved it (32627)

On 04/25/2013 at 8:56pm - money - by really_now - United States (Nevada)

Today, while trying to find my phone in the depths of the sheets on my bed, I gave my comforter a huge shake. A second later, I heard a crash. My phone had miraculously flown straight into the glass of water on my nightstand. Found it. FML

#20593500
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40637) - you deserved it (8444)

On 04/15/2013 at 12:25pm - misc - by Reno - United States (Nevada)

Today, I have been single and out of the game for so long that instead of having real wet dreams, I now dream about jacking off. FML

#20436185
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38823) - you deserved it (6522)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:26pm - intimacy - by lonely dreams - United States (Nevada)

Today, I came home from the hospital diagnosed with high blood pressure. It's caused by stress. My wife had a very long talk with my son about it. All the kid has been doing for the past 2 hours is scream at his Playstation. I'd rather be at the hospital. FML

#20188739
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21619) - you deserved it (3119)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:03pm - kids - by Nick (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

#20183636
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27712) - you deserved it (1656)

On 11/29/2012 at 3:01am - misc - by elizabeth - United States (Nevada)

Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML

#20182587
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6883) - you deserved it (45196)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:09pm - health - by Widowmaker - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

#20167758
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29534) - you deserved it (2087)

On 11/18/2012 at 6:00am - health - by depressedpreggo (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

Today, my mother was digging up our Halloween decorations, and found the Christmas decorations as well. She's shoddily decorated the house already in half-Halloween and half-Christmas style to save time. I guess we'll be celebrating Christmasween for the rest of the year. FML

#20103809
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19313) - you deserved it (2129)

On 10/06/2012 at 1:57am - misc - by Joey - United States (Nevada)

Today, I moved into my new apartment. I was feeling really excited until my new neighbor knocked on my door and left me what looks like rabbit ears on my welcome mat. He just stared at me expectantly as though I should be thankful. FML

#20076090
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19278) - you deserved it (1591)

On 09/17/2012 at 10:59am - misc - by Nickie809 - United States (Nevada)

Today, I locked myself out of the house I was house-sitting. An hour later, and my fifth attempt at climbing the fence, I figured I'd try the door one more time. Turns out I was turning the handle the wrong way and the door wasn't locked in the first place. FML

#20060053
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6942) - you deserved it (24731)

On 09/06/2012 at 2:39am - misc - by ohhhemmgee - United States (Nevada)

Today, I finally picked up my new bank card after my old one was stolen. It took the bank six weeks and five separate orders to figure it out, on top of which they've charged me a rush fee. FML

#20046256
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19393) - you deserved it (1530)

On 08/28/2012 at 1:50pm - money - by annoyed (woman) - United States (Nevada)



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