FMLs submitted from Nevada

Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 3:13pm / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, at a school function for my eldest son, my youngest child silently passed gas. A group of women I had hoped to befriend were sitting next to me, and then left with looks of disgust on their faces. I guess I don't need friends. FML

by Denise1988 / 11/10/2015 at 12:35pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I discovered that spicy ground beef bits are the perfect size to become lodged in one's nasal cavity when vomited back up. FML

by steam_engenius / 10/04/2015 at 2:11pm / United States (Nevada) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after saying I'd edit and revise a coworker's report so he could go home and spend his anniversary with his wife, he sent me a file. Upon opening it, it was pictures of men wearing strange fetish gear while being dominated. He has yet to send me the correct file and I'm scared to ask. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2015 at 4:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, my dad decided that campground bathrooms are disgusting and that on our upcoming camping trip, we'll have to keep a bucket of cat litter in our tent in case we want to go to the bathroom. FML

by ew / 09/15/2015 at 12:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

by NightHawk4926 / 09/09/2015 at 6:15pm / United States (Nevada) / Animals

Today, I walked in on my husband having sex with the shower wall. When I got in the shower with him he immediately went soft. FML

by Mrs. Ned / 09/08/2015 at 10:00pm / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I'm self-conscious about my B-cup breasts. About 20 minutes later, he pointed to another girl with a small chest and said, "See, you're not the only one with small tits!" FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2015 at 6:33pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I were getting picked up by his dad after a carnival. As I put my stuff in the back of the car and shut the door to walk around to get in the other side, his dad drove off, thinking I was in the car, leaving me to walk up their hill. It was midnight and I ended up lost. FML

by jonloran / 08/14/2015 at 5:08am / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, I posted on Facebook about a cooking mishap I had. My fiancé and ex then spent the next hour trading stories of my other kitchen disasters in the comments. FML

by Frozen Food Fan / 08/11/2015 at 10:29am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, a kid on a bike passed me and commented on my "big fat butt." Recognizing him from the neighborhood, I told my husband to go speak to his parents about the inappropriate comment. It turns out his father is the man who yesterday commented on my "big bouncing tits." FML

by Mrs. W. / 08/10/2015 at 8:32pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally finished downloading a 60GB TV series after two weeks of waiting. Every single "episode" turned out to be Rick Astley singing Never Gonna Give You Up, on constant repeat. I almost respect the prankster's effort enough to not want to gut him like a fish. Almost. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 8:52pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out the only reason why a friend of mine even bothered talking to me. He thought that I'd sleep with him if he was nice enough. FML

by I'm_Not_Interested / 07/06/2015 at 1:30am / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy