Today, I went to a petting zoo with my niece and nephew. While we were checking out the llamas, one of them spit directly into my face. Disgusted and embarrassed, we turned away to pet a deer. The deer immediately urinated then shook its tail which splattered it into my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16880) - you totally deserved it (1312)
On 11/07/2009 at 9:13pm - misc - by shando - United States (Nevada)
Today, I went to meet a potential client at StarBucks all the way across town about designing his website. I was extremely excited because I really need the work. I sat for an hour. Turns out he was across the street, at the other StarBucks. FML
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On 11/06/2009 at 6:14pm - work - by CoffeeBoy (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my boyfriend of two years took me out to breakfast. So we were eating and he kept on staring at me like he was thinking of something really important. I thought he was going to say "I Love You". So I told him to "say it already". Turns out he was thinking of a way to dump me. FML
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On 11/06/2009 at 3:36pm - love - by Her (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was lost in a new town, so I asked a woman for directions. For some reason, she seemed to avoid me. About halfway down the block, she quickly turned around, and the next thing I remember is my eyes stinging like hell. Apparently she thought I was a mugger and maced me. FML
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On 11/02/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my boyfriend of over a year broke up with me. Completely crushed, I spent an hour gathering up everything he ever gave me. Then he calls back to say how stupid he was and how he wanted me back. I was ecstatic. An hour later he figured out he was okay with his first decision. FML
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On 10/25/2009 at 3:19pm - love - by rollercoaster (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my fiance and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
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On 10/22/2009 at 1:53am - love - by uneek_3225 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because he has anger issues. Tonight, my tires were slashed. FML
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On 10/19/2009 at 11:54am - love - by kierstin (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I had a meeting with the CEO about a promising job with good pay and benefits. Upon meeting, we immediately recognized each other. He was someone I used to make fun of in school all the time. He responded by refusing to interview me and had security throw me out by force. Karma bites. FML
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On 09/28/2009 at 2:31pm - work - by SucksToBeMe (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was at work and I accidentally deleted a picture off of a very important report. I spent over an hour trying to bring it back. Frustrated, told the janitor emptying the trash my problem. He pressed "Undo". The picture came back. I just graduated from a three week computer course. FML
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On 09/12/2009 at 3:40am - work - by DumbMoney (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML
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On 09/07/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Notyourstepmom - United States (Nevada)
Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML
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On 08/20/2009 at 11:55am - intimacy - by littleguy (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my sister and I were reading the new FML posts. I sat close to the fan, and after a few minutes, I leaned against it for support. It immediatly sucked up my hair and started violently twisting it. My sister continued to read and shouted at me because my cries for help are distracting. FML
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On 08/15/2009 at 3:21pm - health - by baldintheback (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my immature dad said I am a girl not a woman, so my witty response was ''I have a period, I'm pretty sure that makes me a woman.'' My dad stole my phone and sent a text to everyone in my address book, quoting me. Including the guy I like. FML
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On 07/27/2009 at 12:10am - misc - by bookworm94 (woman) - United States (Nevada)
