FMLs submitted from Nevada

Today, I caught my 7 year old sister poking a dead bird with a stick, causing maggots to start coming out of the bird's sad little body. I was horrified and threw up. She won't stop mocking me for being a "sissy". FML

by Anonymous / 04/22/2016 at 3:41pm / United States (Nevada) / Kids

Today, for the first time in a while I decided to wear a skirt. Everytime I sit down my thighs trap air and make a farting sound. FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2016 at 7:40pm / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 3 years. She responded by drinking all the alcohol in sight, falling unconscious and pissing herself. Six hours later, she said that I was too immature and that's why it would never work. FML

by random guy / 03/30/2016 at 2:49am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I was washing my hands in a public bathroom when a lady came in, looked at me in the mirror and then opened the door again to check if she was in the right bathroom. FML

Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

by ferret702 / 02/05/2016 at 7:04am / United States (Nevada) / Money

Today, at the age of 20, I still have a bed time. It is strictly enforced by my cat via endless meows if I am up past 11 pm. FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2016 at 2:03am / United States (Nevada) / Intimacy

Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2015 at 1:55am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, after living in my new apartment for barely three weeks, I found mice living under my dish washer. When I brought it up to the managers, they said I'd have to pay for an exterminator myself since they weren't there when they cleaned. FML

by Anonymous / 12/29/2015 at 9:14pm / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, my coworker, who has a tendency to overshare, decided to tell me she has chlamydia. I threw my hands in the air and said, "Stop. I don't wanna know." A customer heard this exchange and we were both written up. FML

by fmltom / 12/15/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, while trying to explain to my friends what an anxiety attack is like, I had an anxiety attack. FML

by ohtheirony / 12/10/2015 at 2:49pm / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, I found $100 on the ground. My mom is taking $40 because she was there. FML

by gas money / 11/21/2015 at 11:34pm / United States (Nevada) / Money

Today, while driving home, I saw a cop with a speed gun "hidden" by the side of the road. I went to slow down so the fuck-knob wouldn't be able to ticket me. I then had a brain-fart and floored the gas instead of hitting the brakes. Hello speeding ticket. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2015 at 3:13pm / United States (Nevada) / Transportation

Today, at a school function for my eldest son, my youngest child silently passed gas. A group of women I had hoped to befriend were sitting next to me, and then left with looks of disgust on their faces. I guess I don't need friends. FML