FMLs submitted from Nebraska

Today, my tire was a little low on air. I decided to put in a can of Fix-A-Flat and drive home. Since it was 10 degrees outside and snowing, the can became frozen to the valve. When I finally got the can off, I had ruined the valve, so I had to put on the spare tire. It was flat too. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2009 at 5:54pm / United States (Nebraska) / Transportation

Today, my parents and I went to the movies for my mom's birthday. After the movie, my mom and dad got into a fight, and left me at the movies. My cell phone was dead, and my house was about 12 miles away. They finally came and picked me up, hours later. FML

by moviewalker / 11/26/2009 at 1:18am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was told by my mother that the reason she quit her job as a counselor and divorced my dad was because she met someone through work. She works in a prison. FML

by CT / 11/25/2009 at 1:42am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML

by shocked / 10/12/2009 at 10:52am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was really, REALLY tired at work. I went to the restroom to take a little break, and must have dozed off, because I was awoken by my boss, knocking on the door of the stall. Apparently, I had been snoring. FML

by sleepytime / 10/05/2009 at 12:36pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work

Today, I was at work when two sheriff's deputies walked in. They asked me my name and when I told them, they asked me to turn around and they cuffed me. They told me I was under arrest for robbery. Turns out I was mistakenly IDed, but now every one at my job thinks I'm an armed robber. FML

by THATguy / 09/21/2009 at 12:12am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my school is having homecoming. I'm taking a date who I really like, and she happens to have fairly large boobs. I have a friend who seems to think I have an obsession with boobs, so I texted her last night reading "btw, no big boob jokes tomorrow." I accidentally sent it to my date. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2009 at 11:20am / United States (Nebraska) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was trying to turn on my computer and couldn't. I spent twenty minutes trying to figure out what was wrong when I finally called my husband for help and made him leave work. He came in, looked at the wall, and plugged it back in. The look on his face said it all. FML

by burnnotice / 09/19/2009 at 10:10am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, after picking up my 6 year old from school, he says, "Drew said his dad could beat you up." I told him that he needs to respect his own father more and stand up for me! I get home, look up his class roster and low and behold, Drew's dad beat me up in Jr. High. FML

by jeph23 / 09/11/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin my innocence. FML

by Magnus_the_Red / 09/09/2009 at 12:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, my next door neighbor told me that he liked the carpet in my bedroom. I live alone. He's never been in my bedroom. FML

by violatedinden / 08/23/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, my work finally hired someone to replace some leaky pipes at work. I work in the basement by myself, and just as I walk under the newly fixed pipes, I get soaked with water. Apparently it was connected to a toilet. My boss couldn't find a replacement so they made me work covered in piss. FML

by lifestinks / 08/22/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (Nebraska) / Work

Today, I heard a girl telling her friend all about her boyfriend, John. They talked about the grocery store that he works at, and that he drives a nice yellow mustang. My boyfriend's name is John, works at that same grocery store, and drives a nice yellow mustang. FML

by Kelly / 08/12/2009 at 2:09pm / United States (Nebraska) / Love